Oregon 2004 Nov Diane's visit
11/1/04
Dad opened the front door. Walked outside. Came in and reported that my car was fine and all was well the morning after Halloween. In the 1930s ‘trick or treat’ was more about tricks then treats. The ‘normal’ tricks consisted of dumping over garbage cans, letting air out of car tires and removing fence gates and putting them on top of garages! I’m grateful Halloween traditions have evolved! I met Susan’s Monday hiking group on the other end of Grant’s Pass and spent a leisurely few hours strolling near a river, getting to know new people and watching trout spawn. Some of the group has been hiking together for almost 20 years. It was good to explore and do something different.
While I was hiking Mom folded laundry on the swivel chair and couldn’t get up. Dad called a neighbor (Deanna) who came and helped him.
Dad went swimming at around 1:15 pm. I called Mom when I was in town (2:15pm) and told her I was on the way home. It takes about 10 minutes to get through town. I found Mom in the laundry room trying to get glass bottles of juice onto her new walker so she could stock the kitchen (which usually isn’t stocked). She couldn’t maneuver around the dryer rack. Normally if she’s left alone she would stay in her chair crocheting, watching TV and near to the phone. Her new walker (with four wheels, a seat and a basket) has empowered her to new possibilities. She can set the table, put dishes away, move books from one room to another, put away laundry, etc. Her THRILL is to rearrange the house to HER liking. She is meticulous that objects be in their proper place and not cluttered. That’s challenging since Dad loves piles of papers and books. She won’t touch his stuff, but she does ask him to move it every few days. Yesterday I told her that Bill leaves greasy tools around the house (stretched the truth a little) and that’s the price I pay for the please of his company. Dad chimed in “Yes!”
On Saturday Mom wanted to give the new walker back to the people that loaned it to her. Sunday morning she woke up saying it was beautiful. She practiced around the house and we took it to church. Between going to church and later to dinner, Dad tried all different ways of storing the bigger walker in the car (with and without wheelchair, on top of wheelchair, in middle seat sideways and up and down). Then we found out it folds up!
My notes are mixed up; I don’t know what day it is. Sue came over with old photo albums she’s in the midst of redoing for her adult sons. Mom didn’t recognize her own wedding picture. A magnifying glass did help some. We ate leftovers at different times. I chatted with Dad while he ate. Mom was tired and ready to go to bed at 7pm. She stayed up to play cards so we started another daily activity – play cards in evening. We’ve done it three nights in a row so far. Double solitaire, rummy and canasta have been our games so far. Canasta has been a family game for a few generations. I remember playing it with Mom’s mother Nanny. Mom actually remembers quite a few of the rules-especially after two days of repeating them. Her mind does pretty well with it but once in awhile the rules are totally forgotten. Last night she put her discard #5 on my pile of nines and didn’t understand why it didn’t belong there. The game is good for her to count points, add numbers, and make decisions. She always did like numbers and it shows.
11-2-04
Mom had a rough night last night – up about four times and needed help twice. In the AM Mom was going to wash up. I asked about washing her hair. She said she might as well take a shower. Yippee! Occasionally I ‘mention’ that she’s taking two showers a week since I’ve been here. So far, it’s been true.
We did chair aerobics and ate oatmeal for breakfast. Mom constantly asked me if I was getting dressed. I kept answering ‘nope, I like being comfortable’. It’s becoming a morning fun routine to bug me about getting dressed. I like getting dressed after breakfast, exercise, etc. She’ll exercise in nightclothes but likes to get dressed before breakfast.
Raven arrived for Mom’s first at home massage (acupressure/oriental medicine). Her purple table is adjustable for Mom’s best sitting height. As Raven rubbed different spots on her legs, Mom would ask, “How long are you going to do that?” Raven would smile and say “Just a day or two” or “A week for this one”. Mom got up twice to go to the bathroom but came back to the table for more – a bit fearful but willing. Raven has worked with hospice before and has a wonderful way of making Mom feel special. The ‘massage’ ended with Raven singing Mom some chant. By the end of two hours, Raven & Mom exchanged hugs and a kiss. Dad calls Raven a healer, asked her to return next week for Mom, and will go to her also.
Mom & I went grocery shopping (every other day activity – need to buy some fresh wild salmon), made potato soup, Dad to Fred Myers, JAG and then canasta.
I ordered a CD (Showboat) for the folks a few days before and was surprised when ‘it’ arrived so fast. I enjoyed watching Mom’s excitement as she opened the package. I was surprised it wasn’t the CD I ordered. Mom and Dad were happily surprised to receive a Judy Garland in Concert CD set and I was amazed they didn’t already have it. A few days later, the Showboat CD arrived. Mom & Dad’s CD player holds three CDs. The new ones are all in there now and we enjoy listening to them every night (I’m typing this on 11/12).
11-3
Chair aerobics – normal comments about neighbor across the street must have a day care center, Melinda’s (teacher) black pants look so nice I need a pair, and doesn’t this seem long this morning? I fast forward in two areas to cut the one-hour video down to 40 or 45 minutes. Mom sometimes ‘quits’ in the middle. I keep going. She usually joins back in after a few minutes.
Oatmeal again (Mom added carrot cake and pumpernickel bread after her small bowl of oatmeal – said she wasn’t hungry). She dressed while I was cooking and I forgot to set out a pull-up. She refused to put on a pad so I refused to take her shopping with me. We spent some time in separate rooms, cooled off, and let it go. She told me she was ready to go shopping and had the pad on. We went to Market of Choice (great grocery store!), Staples and the Herb Shop.
When we got home, Dad was just finishing breakfast. Mom had tea and saltines. I had tea and an apple – our ‘lunch’,
Mom was cutting carrots for me and cut her finger. It scared her. Dad asked if she needed a band-aid. I looked at her finger; it was only a small cut. Mom said “No. I’ll be fine.” Dad joked – “We’ll have to check for fingers in the spinach”. He left. Mom was angry and said, “He didn’t have to laugh.” I said that my Bill sometimes laughs when I’m hurt and scared too. That’s his way of trying to make me feel better but all it does is make me mad. Strange that it serves a purpose – now I’m angry instead of scared. Women seem to give each other sympathy, but not men. We finished making the spinach/carrot/flaxseed soup.
Folded clothes and then looked for Mom’s wedding rings. They’re too big lately so she put them away and couldn’t find them. We found them in the jewelry box, and separated Grandma Julie’s jewelry into a baggie. Now Mom can see what’s in her jewelry box easier.
Mom took a nap. I washed the floor, cleaned the bathroom (with straight vinegar) and made some phone calls. Mom woke up startled and scared: “Where’s Kathy????” I answered “Safe and sound working at the bank”. She said, “Okay, you can go back to doing whatever again.”
11/4
Three more weeks and I go home. When I first got here, I wanted to stay until they died. The idea of going back home sooner is becoming a reasonable option.
6:30am Dad turned on the heat. He met Mom going to the bathroom. “Are you going back to bed”? “Yes”. “See ya later”.
I did a castor oil pack, read for an hour and then went back to sleep. I woke up at 9 AM and found Mom crocheting in the living room (since 7:30 she says). She said she HAD to make time for crocheting. She was thinking of adding a white row after six red rows. I told her we decided to do ALL red in the middle with white and red only on both ends. She gets all confused about knots, where to start, and etc. when changing colors. She also forgets and keeps trying to add a white row. I finally hid the white yarn behind the TV set so she can’t find it! Now (11/13) she’s working on straightening out the edges. God help this afghan! The edges get cut, knotted, and then crocheted. Oh my. The edge is still crooked. I wish she would just remember to crochet rows of red and let me fix the edges when it’s long enough. Bottom line – the project serves two purposes – one to keep her busy. The other to give my daughter something her Grandma made for her. Maybe the one she made a few years ago and uses on her chair will fit the bill.
Mom & I picked up Shelby (now 8 years young) from her school (hat day). Shelby ran/hopped/skipped and I pushed Mom around the three blocks of downtown Rogue River. We visited the impressive local museum. Shelby was turning the handle of an old meat grinder and told Grandma it was an old-fashioned pencil sharpener. We met Aunt Margaret at McDonald’s in Grants Pass and she continued the child sitting.
11-5 Saturday
Chair aerobics
Breakfast
11am my appointment with Raven. Her input is helping me make major changes on how I take care of myself. I definitely prefer acupressure/Oriental medicine instead of acupuncture. I’m learning some techniques to continue after I leave here.
Noon – I was leaving the office. Dad was walking in for his. He calls Raven a healer and is going for weekly appointments also.
Evening – I played double solitaire with Mom until she was frustrated because she couldn’t remember why the row of aces existed. She chanted: “I’m done. I’m done.” Dad (sitting on the other end of the table doing paperwork) chimed in “I’m Tom. I’m Tom.” Then we played go fish until she had enough and told me to go jump in a lake. Then we played concentration. I used ten pair of cards. It was interesting!
11-6 Sunday
Shower
Church
Lunch/Supper at Wild River Brewery. We all shared their great minestrone soup and homemade bread. Mom ate a Reuben sandwich. I had ¼ of it. Dad had cannoli. Mom & Dad ordered an éclair to go. Wound up munching on it in front of me. I resisted temptation somehow. It sat in the refrigerator for four days and I still didn’t touch it. I’m struggling, but succeeding, at not doing sweets.
Mom & I went shopping at Fred Myers (underwear for Dad, socks for me, stamps, vitamins and jar opener). On the way home, Kathy & Shelby drove by. They had been visiting Dad since we weren’t there. They turned around and came back. Kathy read my diary pages from July 1968 when we moved from New York to Albuquerque. She now knows the first day she went to kindergarten. She laughed often at the color scheme of curtains and clothes we made &/or dyed. She also laughed at some sibling situations described on the pages. Shelby was VERY interested also.
Mom & I tried a new card game – Liverpool Rummy – taught to me by my dear departed first cousin Kathy Masone. Mom asked me four different times where I got the instructions from. Every time I would say Kathy Masone we had a different conversation – my input consisted of: we were in Florida together shortly before she died OR simply she died. Mom’s input was: she was just here OR we need to invite her over someday.
7pm – meeting – nice group.
11-8 Monday
Shower – no more metal strip from old glass doors. THANK YOU Dave Cotner!!! I was also praised for my gentle cleaning, drying, etc until………..Mom was getting out clean clothes to put on and knew she should put pull-ups on since she was spending the day out with Margaret. She pulled out regular underwear. We were laughing about my wet nightgown from the over spray. I thought I was cute saying that I might be wet but she would be too if she wore her silk underwear. The angry monster emerged “Learn some manners on how to respect your Mother”. I said, “I’ll try” and walked away. Mom said “Dammit (I don’t remember her cussing before!) Give me those things. I’ll do it for you today but don’t ask me again.” I said that I was going to ask her to sign a statement next time she has an accident.
Breakfast time – She wanted a frozen waffle. I had oatmeal as usual. She asked what I was going to do today. I said, “I was going hiking with Susan’s hiking group. I think you’re tired of me and need a break.” Mom said, “I’ll never be tired of you. Who else makes me such good waffles for breakfast!”
I went on a glorious hike about 15 miles east of Grants Pass. The hiking group greeted me with hugs. Such wonderfully warm people – I just met them last week! It was grand spending time with others and hiking through the forest.
I hurried home to work on the Family Trust while Margaret took Mom for a spin. Dad was just getting ready to go swimming. Dad told me to offer Mom’s anger to God or something like that. He did remind me that the anger is part of the disease and I shouldn’t take it personally. The blessing is that she forgets the anger as quickly as she forgets everything else. He showed me where all the papers are, etc.
Cells phones are wonderful. Margaret kept me up-to-date on their gallivanting to her property at Murphy’s, Sears & sandwich, Costco in Medford, and then heading home.
Supper – wild salmon as usual lately.
10 pm – Mom woke from her sleep panicked and asking, “Where are all the kids going to go?” She explained that there wasn’t room for their normal sleep over. I assured her that they were all safe and sound in their own beds. She relaxed and went back to sleep.
11-9 Sherry’s birthday
Chair aerobics. Mom needed help getting up. Once up, she couldn’t stay up and fell back down into the chair. I sat below her thinking it would be easier for her to get up. It wasn’t. She didn’t want to squish me so was trying to hold herself partway up/down. She called, ‘Tom – come help us!’ He came in, laughed and said he wished he had a camera. I slid out from under Mom and we both helped her up.
Tuesday is Raven’s day to come give Mom an acupressure/massage. Mom enjoyed it more then last week. I recorded Mom telling Raven how much she enjoyed it and looked forward to the next one. The recording also includes Mom telling me how wonderful Raven is and how wonderful she feels AFTER Raven left. In the next few days I told Mom three times that I had the recording if she wanted to listen to it – every time Mom slips into her martyr role about how hard it is to get a massage and wants to cancel her future massage.
Market of Choice
Staples
We all sang Happy Birthday to Sherry and had a great conversation.
TV – JAG
11-10 Wednesday
Chair aerobics
Breakfast
Shower
Lunch with my Al-Anon friends.
Dad to bank, food shopping and pick up medicines.
Mom & I made coleslaw (cabbage, broccoli, carrot, organic mayo, white vinegar – they love it!) and soup (asparagus, leek, potato, squash & onion). I’m glad Mom likes to peel and cut veggies!
Deanna (next door neighbor) came to cut Mom’s toenails. Mom has the thickest nails I’ve ever seen. Deanna has been giving Mom a pedicure for a long time. She told Mom that her feet look MUCH better. All purple areas except one were gone. Exercise and acupressure massage are doing something!
Dinner – salmon. Discussion centered on Thanksgiving for awhile since Mom keeps trying to make plans. I introduced the idea of Margaret and Susan cooking so we could split the family between the two houses side by side (I think that’s what has been decided in RR). Mom is disappointed that everyone won’t be coming to her house, which has THE biggest table. She doesn’t know that Dad doesn’t want everyone here. He believes it would be TOO much for Mom. Then we talk about Tom coming from Chicago on Thanksgiving at 1:30pm. I asked if they would go to the airport 30 minutes early so I can visit my sister-in-law who lives in Sacramento, is moving to Denver and will be in Medford for Thanksgiving at her daughter-in-law’s parent’s home.
Dad suggested that I pick up Tom by myself so I can visit with my sister-in-law and have a short time with Tom by myself, which I had requested for sometime during Thanksgiving Day. Mom doesn’t like the idea, of course, since she wants to greet everyone at the airport. By not going to the airport, she’ll have more energy for Thanksgiving dinner. We’ll avoid the subject for awhile.
JAG and crocheted.
Worked on my computer.
11/11/04
Chair aerobics.
Breakfast – oatmeal with organic apricots.
Yard work with Margaret for 3 ½ hours!! We were JUST going to trim the bushes where Dad parks his car when there are three cars in the driveway. The bushes are now trimmed, some uprooted, ivy removed, dead leaves disposed of, hoses put away for the winter, yellow pansies planted in front, bush & rosebush trimmed in front, ivy trimmed on side until I jammed the trimmer. Margaret is persistent. The parking area now has LOTS of room. The fresh air and exercise felt grand.
Margaret took Mom home with her because my worked called me for a special project. They returned two hours later just as I was finishing. Yippee for laptops!
11/12/04
I woke at 6:30am. Worked on this journal with the portable heater and two lights on. I tripped the circuit breaker!! Normally I only have one light on. I couldn’t reset the breaker – probably because it was too hot and need to cool down. Mom & I did chair aerobics without the benefit of watching the video. Of course, our ‘class’ was much shorter then Melinda’s! When Dad woke up enough for me to tell him, he called his good friend who happens to be a master mechanic. Electricity was restored quickly and they had fun teasing me. Dad also found out that computers draw very little electricity.
Mom & I had a child sitting commitment with Shelby from noon to 3:30pm. We managed to get into Kathy’s house without calling for help. Mom’s knees had a good day today! The first hour sped by as we said goodbye to the old babysitters and arranged Mac & cheese for lunch in the dining room (no ice cream until after eating all the Mac & cheese – never happened). Shelby was excited about a backrub she heard I wanted to give her with sesame oil. The backrub turned into a full body massage (neck down with only undies). She wanted more and more and more. She liked smelling like peanut butter. We then watched TV for awhile, played a math game on her computer and a make-up-the-rules junior scrabble game. Shelby thought of bigger words (career) then me!
Margaret took over child sitting again. I did some food shopping – we’re having tilapia instead of salmon. Watched Mash on TV while we ate – unusual but good.
Played canasta with Mom. She got the four red threes and two canastas – had a great hand. The next hand she couldn’t remember the rules and went to bed at 8pm.
I’m glad this journal is finally caught up!
Good night & hugs to all!
11-13-04 Saturday
Chair aerobics WITH the video tape today (yesterday no electricity). This was the first time Mom didn’t mention that it seemed long.
Breakfast – oatmeal for Dad & I. Mom – waffle with karo dark syrup (yuck!)
Shower – wanted clean hair for church tomorrow. Sure likes the bathtub without the shower door’s metal edge.
11 AM – my weekly acupressure/massage appointment. Learned another way of massage to help myself after I leave. I wish I could take Raven to my hometown.
Noon – Dad’s appointment – he looks forward to it and marvels about it when he comes home. The song she sometimes sings is Gregorian Chant from her grammar school days. She was mad at a friend. They both wound up in the Principle’s office who made them sing. She found it soothing to the spirit and has used it ever since.
1:30pm – Margaret (pre-arranged) came and took Mom shopping in Medford (mall, target and Costco). I cleaned the house real fast and then spent the next few hours organizing Dad’s paperwork. His metal filing box now has folders for automobile, certificates (Mom & Dad), banks, insurances, pensions, taxes, etc. Dad was impressed with how quickly I organized it. I told him I was having fun….and I was…especially seeing the old certificates – birth, baptism, confirmation, marriage, passports, honorable discharge, pension info, etc. Now it will be easy to transfer the details into the trust since I found original insurance policies, etc. The trust was set up nicely. Dad transferred the house and banks into the trust name. The final touches will be done soon.
5:30 pm – Mom arrived home exhausted but happy. She sat at the kitchen table (too full from pizza and ice cream sundae to eat dinner) snacking on sweet stick thing-a-ma-gigs (piromaulines from a round tin). The old tin was in the refrigerator. I read the words on the new tin and found out it didn’t need refrigeration. I was going to put them in the white cabinet. Dad told Margaret to take the other two and put them in the laundry room. Mom cracked up laughing so hard she was crying. Her laugh was SO contagious; Margaret & I also needed tissues to dry our eyes. Dad caught the laughing bug but no tears. We all tried to understand what Mom found so funny. She had a hard time explaining while she was laughing. She thought Dad put the tins in the laundry room. Margaret moved them to the white cabinet, and then Margaret moved them to the laundry room or something like that. She just thought we were like a circus moving these silly tins around. We thought it was wonderful to see Mom totally into a good-can’t-stop-laughing mode.
6:30 pm – Mom, Dad & I watched a video from Fr. Tom Donaldson – a missionary in Grants Pass in 1992. Sue found the videos that Dad remembered at a friend’s home. We borrowed them and are greatly enjoyed his wit and passion. Dad will order some sets next week. (Later-Videos not available anymore. Copyright lady returned my call at 6:30am – thinking area code 541 was the east coast. She gladly granted permission to copy tapes and sent a fax to Photo Den. )
Mom was in bed by 8pm. At 9:15 pm she woke up and came to my bedroom’s door with a ‘good morning’ greeting. I happily returned to greeting. She shush-ed me because Dad was still sleeping. She was surprised that it was still night and Dad, nor I, had been to bed yet. She drank part of her favorite drink – juicy juice – and contently went back to bed.
P.S. Aunt Edie called today (or yesterday). ‘Tis always grand to talk to her.
Sunday 11-14-04
Chair aerobics – still no mention of it being too long!
Breakfast – Mom & Dad had waffle since we’re short on time. I had cold cereal with raisins and rice milk.
Church – Dad walked to and from home. Mom & I actually made it into the pew about one minute before church starts – for the last two weeks. They were always late before then!
Good singing and a few friendly people as usual.
Carol in Albuquerque called –great conversation as usual.
Lunch at JJ North – buffet style – too much food. Dad indulged and enjoyed many selections; Mom and I stretched the time as best we could – chew SLOWLY.
Shortly after we got home, I went to the restroom. Bill called and Mom forgot where I was. She called Dad who was outside getting ready to go shopping. He reminded her where I was. While talking to Bill, I hear Mom hollering ‘Kathy’. Kathy pulled into the driveway, thought we weren’t home and was going away. I stepped outside with the phone and she saw me. Had a nice visit listening to Kathy’s adventures and giving Shelby her requested backrub (with oils). Shelby also enjoys typing, and the paint program, on my laptop. We called Matthew and Jeremy and sang Happy Birthday to their answering machines.
As Kathy was leaving, Dad arrived home with the groceries. Mom and Dad found a musical on TV to watch for awhile until it became ‘hokey’. I signed on my laptop, did some routine work and chatted with my daughter, grandson, and a friend in Turlock.
Then it was time for my weekly meeting – 10 people tonight. Made plans with some for lunch this week.
Dad beat Mom to bed but got up two hours later for an 11pm snack.
p.s. 11/9 – nose ring
Monday 11-15-04
Mom was in the living room crocheting for over an hour. The poor red blanket keeps getting ‘fixed’. Dad & I slept in until 9am (I worked until almost midnight). Chair aerobics – time passed quickly since we chatted about Thanksgiving a good portion of the time. Today’s focus was on who was eating where. Since Kathy and Susan are cooking, the family needs to separate (no house is big enough and Dad doesn’t want it here). It’s been suggested (it DOESN’T matter by whom), that the head of the family, and out-of-town company, split up. Mom would like to be around little kids so will go to Kathy’s but she thinks she SHOULD be with her mate. She’s so good (sarcastic) at sighing, being the martyr, and agreeing to go along with the decision. It’s difficult sometimes to keep my voice light, validate her feelings and appreciate her sacrifice. (11/17 I asked Dad about Thanksgiving dinner. He told Mom he would go wherever she wants. Eating separate places just isn’t worth the hassle. Dad saves his energy for more important things. I’ll go wherever they’re not. )
Mom & I ran many errands making copies (videos, pictures, papers). DMV was right across the street from one stop. Mom was in the mood to follow through with turning in her driver’s license and getting a state issued ID card. Thanks Margaret for laying out the groundwork on Saturday! The DMV lady was marvelous. We went in at noon and there was only one person in line. What a pleasurable experience compared to where I live! The lady that gave Mom her walker, was going into DMV as we were coming out. Great timing to thank her in person (thanks over the phone a few weeks ago). We ate lunch at Si Casa Flores – two different yummy shrimp dinners. Some Red Hat ladies were in a nearby room. I introduced myself and asked them to stop and say hi to my Mom. She enjoyed the attention of course. I have their Queen’s phone number so maybe Mom & I can join them when I return for March.
Mom authorized AARP to talk to me about their car insurance. Mom & Dad will get a refund on their policy ($297 annualized). Mom teased Dad (when he got home from swimming) that he owed her $300. I also called New Mexico Credit Union, made believe I was Mom, and asked why we hadn’t received the balance of the account yet. Dad had asked me to follow through with it. They neglected to say the account couldn’t be closed since ‘we’ still had a visa with them. Dad will keep the visa and a big balance of $5 in the account.
Dinner was going to be a grand affair – potato & yam for Dad. Halibut and our leftover veggies, etc from lunch today. I asked Mom if she wanted some of the rice she liked at lunch. She said she was having ‘this’ rice. I said that was carrot, cabbage, broccoli coleslaw, not rice. It was the WRONG thing to say. She laid into me loudly – I had been picking on her, and correcting her ALL day. She was ANGRY. Except for the Thanksgiving Day conversation this morning, we’ve been laughing and enjoying all kinds of stuff today. During these angry outbursts, I try to focus on the idea that is part of the disease – which she has no control over. I also realize that I don’t need to correct her ‘mistakes’ and slip up sometimes. “How important is it” that she say that coleslaw is rice? None at all. The outbursts are less if I just let her believe whatever she wants. It’s confusing, and amazing. Ex: She definitely knows that Tom is coming on Thanksgiving and enjoys teasing me about my need to clean off the extra bed…but she can’t remember that some organization calls once a month (for the last fifteen years) to pick up donations. She has two bags of ‘stuff’ to give away and wants to take it to St. Vincent de Paul’s. Dad tells us no – he’ll wait for the phone call. So – dinner was quiet for a few minutes and then it passed. Dad is good at diverting attention – talked about the delicious food and how great it is to come home from swimming to a cooked, delicious meal. Mom follows his lead.
Watched Archie Bunker and some ice-skating. Mom to bed at 8 pm.
Time for me to sign on the laptop and get some work done.
Tuesday 11-16-04
11:30 PM last night – Mom was breathing heavy and asked Dad for help getting up. I had just gone to bed so heard her and responded. Normally she’s lying on her right side. I found her on her left side gasping for breath and unable to sit up. I untangled her feet from the blanket, leaned over her and told her to put her arms around me, put my arms under her armpits, bent my knees and lifted her to a sitting position. She sat up and caught her breath. I put her slippers on her feet. She got up, thanked me for the help and shuffled off to the bathroom. God, help me to make lifestyle changes now to prevent this from being my future.
AM – Mom told me she slept great last night. I told her I did too.
Chair aerobics – told me she gave up her driver’s license and felt relieved
Shower
Breakfast – Mom listened to the recording of her telling me how much she loved her massage last week. The recorder was too close to me so she couldn’t understand it. I told her she was in charge of the recorder today and could put it close to herself. She always feels better when she has some control, or at least input, into any activity.
Get dressed.
Wait for massage. Raven arrived. Mom got partially undressed for massage. Mom can’t stand to hang around the house in a bathrobe. I LOVE my comfort clothes. Mom & I are so alike in many ways but different in others. It’s been interesting expanding my list and becoming aware of what I want to change to prevent some of the similarities.
While Mom was getting her massage, I ran some errands and got the oil changed on my car. Oregon is amazing. The oil change and get a new air filter took twenty minutes. There was no one on line. DMV, the other day, had one person on line. When you call in a refill here, a REAL person answers the phone instead of recorded messages. And, of course, you can’t pump your own gas here – the gas station attendant does it.
I arrived home just as the massage was finishing and asked Mom if it was okay to record her. She said yes and talked into the recorder about how wonderful she felt and wanted more massages. Two days later she was going to call Raven and cancel but changed her mind and said she’ll do it one more week.
Lazy afternoon. Went grocery shopping by myself to get Dad some fish. Margaret stopped by for awhile after her massage. Great visit as usual.
Mom & I played canasta. About the third hand, she went out without canasta. How important is it? It wasn’t worth mentioning.
Watched TV and crocheted together.
Wednesday 11-17-04
Chair aerobics
Breakfast – bacon, veggie scramble eggs and ½ English muffin – very different.
Went to Fred Meyer looking for a nightgown. Old nightgowns are ‘cut’ for comfort too much now. ‘Have scissors, will cut’ and ‘have tape, will repair’ are two mottos that I use to tease the folks. $40 for a nightgown that will be cut is ridiculous so Mom & I did some food shopping (as usual!) and went home. Dad was just finishing breakfast (normally noon or 1pm). He went swimming. Mom & I made potato soup (potato, leek, squash, carrots, broccoli, garlic, organic vegetable broth) and coleslaw (broccoli, cabbage, carrots, organic soy mayo & white vinegar-in their new chopper) – their two favorite dishes since I’ve been here.
I oiled some more squeaky doors around here and used bleach on some mold in Dad’s bathroom. Mom & I nailed a BIG calendar on the wall near her bed. She LIKES it because she can read it without her glasses. She’s getting into the habit of crossing off a day when she goes to bed. We wrote notes of upcoming events on the small calendar (this years). These ideas came from the Alzheimer’s organization.
Supper—Mom to bed at 7pm. My dear friend called her cell phone (loaned to me). As we were talking, Matthew called from Tennessee. Dad & I had nice long conversations with him. Then Susan called – back from ten days with Kevin and Mindy. I’m looking forward to catching up with her. During these conversations, I was working on the trust – it’s almost done. Mom woke up at 9:15, 10:30 and midnight. The next morning she has no memory of it. She did remember a dream – walking the in forest, fell in a hole, her legs were trapped in mud. I asked how did she get out. She said she woke up.
Thursday 11-18-04
Chair aerobics AND tai chai’s acupressure section.
Breakfast – oatmeal has become our staple. I add apricots or raisins to it. Mom & I eat some and leave some in the pot so Dad doesn’t have to cook when he wakes up.
Went shopping at Goodwill for nightgowns and dropped off two donation bags that Mom just didn’t want to wait for the home service anymore. I’ve wanted to walk around downtown Grants Pass and today was the day. We lasted for about two hours – a few thrift stores and the Champion outlet. Found a few nightgowns for Mom and some work shirts for Bill. Mom also brought some sweat pants and a fleece blanket.
Mom didn’t wear pull-ups today – she almost made it down the hall. Exercise has improved her muscular control but …
When we arrived home, Dad was just finishing breakfast. He finished typing his article for the church newspaper, then went to the church and the bank and exercised on the machine in my room.
We’re watching the Marine Corp marching bands – the silent band is very impressive. I’m catching up with computer work. Mom is working on the red blanket – wants to finish it so I can take it home. I’m grateful she’s now making it longer and stopped trying to straighten the edges! During one of the marches, Mom told me to move my legs and get some exercise. I saluted her and said yes sir drill sergeant. Dad & Mom laughed. Then she told me to bend my knees. I was just doing leg lifts since I was sitting with the laptop on my lap! Next comes the Judy Garland video….
Mom thinks she can cook again but she said I could cook tonight so she can finish the red blanket. Had the same thing as last night and added some beets and broccoli. Mom said she was full but sat their eating saltines with butter – a normal occurrence anymore.
Went to curves for exercise.
Typed up ‘rules/suggestions’ for temporarily living here.
Friday 11-18-04
Chair aerobics
Very low fog outside – unusual – reminds me of my home! One hour at a time, we waited to decide to go to Medford or not. Mom then said she was ready. I asked if she had her pull-ups on. Wrong question. She adamantly refused to wear them. I calmly said that was no problem, we just wouldn’t go to Medford. She told me to go by myself. I said no, I’d just wait until I get home to go to Michael’s. She put them on and read me the riot act for half the ride to Medford. I calmly repeated that I was NOT giving her orders. I was setting my own boundary of not being willing to go out of town with her without her pull-ups on. If she didn’t want to wear them, that was okay with me. I have no problem staying at her home or just doing short, local trips. We did a few shopping stops, had a great visit at Sean’s house, and a wonderful bowl of soup at Olive Gardens. We sang songs on the way home and enjoyed the scenery. Dad was eating at the table when we walked in the house. Mom asked if he was eating supper. He laughed, and said he was just finishing breakfast (4pm!). Cute. He went grocery shopping. I opened Mom’s old sewing machine and sewed her new pajama bottoms.
Saturday 11-19-04
Chair aerobics – Mom was adamant about wanting to stay home today (when she talked yesterday). Today she asked me where we were going! I said anywhere she wanted to go in town after my massage. She’ll think about it.
Shower – need clean hair for church tomorrow.
11 am – My acupressure/oriental medicine/massage with Raven. More great info to help myself.
Noon – Dad’s appointment with Raven. He told her the story about the song Amazing Grace. She closed her session by singing it to him. Next week she’ll sing Danny Boy to him.
Mom was home for ten minutes by herself. I’m grateful I found her getting some sweets instead of moving glass bottles or making a cup of tea (like I have in the past). We make sure she has everything she needs before we leave her alone. She feels better lately (between exercise & massage) and thinks she can do so many things. Cooking is the spookiest because she has a tendency to put wrong burners on, etc.
Joel came over for a visit. After awhile we left for a cup of tea, etc. at Black Forest. I love one-on-one meetings. It’s lovely seeing my nieces and nephews as adults.
Mom & Dad were finishing lunch when I arrived home. After one hour, Mom was ready to go cook dinner for Dad. So far, it’s worked to tell her – “I’m hungry too. Let’s go do it together.” Somehow or other she lets me cook and she sets the table. I put the stove stuff on very low, keep stirring, and stand by the stove so I’m too ‘busy’ to set the table and need her help. Of course, Dad wants the refrigerator stuff put out last. It’s an interesting balancing act. We all ate supper 30 minutes later – when the wild salmon was done! Amazing the positive feedback I get about how wonderful it tastes even though we eat pretty much the same thing every night!
After dishes, I went to Rogue River to visit Margaret and Susan. Within ten minutes I had two phone calls. Mom called to suggest I stay there for the night since it was cold and dark out. I thanked her for the great suggestion and said I would miss my pillows and doing chair aerobics in the morning with her so I was coming home later.
The second phone call was my niece from Folsom, CA. She’s coming up to Medford on Friday and was hoping we could get together. Luckily we both have cell phones so will meet on Highway 5 somewhere while I’m heading home Friday.
I returned to Grants Pass at 10 pm and Mom & Dad were still up. Mom was heading to bed but still not tired. We laughed about my ‘curfew’.
Sunday 11-20-04
Mom was up a few times last night. I didn’t sleep well so stayed in bed until 9 am when Dad also got up. I heard Mom getting up at 7:30am. She said she crocheted a few rows and was just sitting and relaxing. We decided to skip chair aerobics for a change. Mom & I finished our breakfast. Dads sat down to eat him. He started getting irritated at Mom’s attempts to make conversation (grass out on the rocks, same old comments/questions) so I asked her if she wanted to do a few minutes of Tai Chai. We did for about 30 minutes – I rewound the self-massage area and did it again!
Dad walked to church and Mom & I drove. I’ve been lucky finding parking spots out front….otherwise Mom would be taken care of by the greeters. It’s a nice tradition having a few friendly greeters at the door every week – coming and going. We always sit in the same pew. The last few weeks a daughter, taking care of her Mother with her first walker, has been next to us. We hugged goodbye until I return in March.
Dad put out the weekly garbage and started some wash. We all participated in finding Mom’s glasses. She found them in her pocketbook that is never used. It just hangs on the doorknob.
Monday 11-21-04
Took most of the day off to go hiking with Susan and her hiking group in the beautiful Oregon Mountains. Five of the people have been hiking together for fifteen years. They’re now in their 70s plus and still hiking – a bit slower but enjoying the grand outdoors. We hiked to a waterfall. I was expecting something like Yosemite’s waterfalls and laughed out loud when we arrived at a two-foot waterfall! There was a bigger ten-foot fall nearby! My expectations are changed for the next hike to a waterfall! The atmosphere was great anyway.
Dave Cotner and Joel Peterson spent most of the day at Mom & Dad’s doing minor repairs and cleaning out yucky, yucky gutters. It’s so nice not to have a dripping sink and to have an extra handrail for Mom near the tub! Thanks Dave and Joel for your continued maintenance!
Tuesday 11-22-04
After Mom opened the curtains and shut off the night-lights, she asked me if I wanted to exercise! While exercising she said she was planning on taking a shower today and trying out her new towel bar. She put two hand towels on her new rack (for help in getting out of the tub). She loves rearranging towels, nick knacks, and small moveable things (water bottles, lotion, candles, yarn, books, her papers). It’s worth checking her garbage and goodwill bags before they leave. I found her physician orders for ‘do not resuscitate’ in the trash.
Shower was fun – For a few minutes, she was at ‘Diane’s beauty college’. She teasingly told me she would give me a tip for good service. I laughed and said ‘Sure you will. Probably something like: the sun will come up tomorrow!”.
While exercising Mom was talking about ‘her’ boys. She’s looking forward to Tom visiting and sadly said that Danny never comes up here. I told her that Danny, and his lovely family, would be here next summer. She said “Oh! That WOULD be nice!!”.
Raven came to give Mom her massage. Raven shared some family photos with Mom. Interesting coincidences: Raven was born 10/1/49 in Queens, New York. I was born 10/3/49 in Queens, New York – different hospitals but the same county. We already knew we’ve lived in similar areas – both have gone to UNM in Albuquerque, NM and lived near Ventura, California. She moved to Medford a few months ago because of friendly people and an extensive herb shop in town. I met her two days after being here because of a series of ‘coincidences’. We believe we were destined to cross paths.
Anyway, Mom loved her massage and asked Raven to come back next Monday so she can meet Tom. I’ve been telling Mom that Raven was bargain since Californians pay at least $120 for a massage at home. I also occasionally mention that massage and exercise will keep her walking instead of in a wheelchair or bedridden. She seems to appreciate the information.
I was in a housekeeping mood so vacuumed, swept and washed floors, and cleaned the bathrooms. It was easier then having the maid come in and finding time to leave the house for four hours.
Dad went for a haircut and a swim. The barber was getting into his car to go to the pet store. Dad asked when he should return. The barber locked his car and opened up the barbershop again. Friendly service deserves, and received, a nice tip.
Mom & I went grocery shopping as usual. Then we made some rice/bean & veggie soup.
Mom found her new yellow curlers and tried to give them to me since she didn’t recognize them. We had thrown away her antique squished pink curlers. I told her they were a present from me to her. She thanked me and was very happy.
Dad instructed us to be careful when picking up the rye bread because the plastic wrap was loosely wrapped. After he left, I put a rubber band around it. When he noticed it, he praised my great idea! What positive feedback over such a small thing – a normal occurrence around here. I love it! I told my dear hubby that I hope we evolve into the same type of atmosphere and get ready for me to start asking for something positive when I hear a negative….just a different approach for trying to manipulate and control my environment!
Wednesday 11-23-04
After six weeks we figured out that Mom needed a chair with arms to help get up chair after exercising. We rearranged chairs and she doesn’t need help getting up anymore. Yippee! She also tried the one pound weights and prefers empty toilet papers rolls. I get to use the one pound weights for now.
Conversation – Thanksgiving has been THE topic on and off since I’ve been here. Today she thought Kathy might need help cooking the turkey. I said that Kathy would ask her children to help if she wanted some help. Mom was amazed that Sara was Kathy’s daughter. Then she asked me who Diane was. I said I was and I was her oldest daughter. She then questioned that Tom was her oldest son. I agreed. She asked me for order of all her children. I started slow and quickly rattled off the rest with a smile on my face. She smiled also and said “oh – just forget it!”
I had my last massage for this trip and went to the herb shop to stock up for the next few months.
Mom & I went to St. Vincent’s Thrift store and the grocery store (always a list!).
Meals were staggered today – everyone hungry at different times. I started packing the car and cleaning my room. Letting go…..
Canasta – Mom was counting the scores and added seven plus four equals thirteen. That’s the first time I’ve noticed her math being off. She counts the cards slowly but correctly. I think she subtracted the four from the seven to get the three since she looked at the total score, thought it was wrong and then decided she needed to carry the one. How important is it? Not at all.
Dad working in his book room again. He also cleaned off the dining room and kitchen table. I’ve never seen his reading areas so neat.
Thursday 11-24-04
Happy Thanksgiving
I’ve been awake since 6:30 AM realizing this is my last day here and being grateful that I’m at peace with it. I turned on the house heater. I updated the house ‘rules’ –six pages of suggestions for living here. I exercised on the health rider bike in my room. I drank my goat yogurt “*censored*tail”. I cleaned out the closet and stripped the bed. Now I’ll type until Mom gets up. Mornings are my extra energy times. It’s great having the portable extra little heater for mornings like this. I leave it at a medium setting now so I don’t overload the circuit breaker again! It’s raining outside and sounds wonderful. The sky is all gray but the clouds are high. Mom’s up…..
Chair aerobics. Uncle Gene and Aunt Edie called. It’s always great to hear their voices and remember the great family ties that we have. Started chair aerobics again.
Want to guess what we had for breakfast? Yep - oatmeal with peaches.
Jeremy called from Buenos Aires, Argentina. He only had five minutes before needing to try on his tux. Dad tried to convince him that a suit would be just fine. Jeremy said Ceci’s four sisters and Mother were spoiling him. Jeremy also called his Godmother Susan later while we were having dinner.
Tom called from Denver. His flight might be diverted to Eugene, Oregon but they won’t know until they’re in the air. I’ll be at the Medford airport anyway visiting with my sister-in-law and niece who live in Yuba City, are spending Thanksgiving with extended family in Medford, and are moving to Denver, Colorado in a few weeks. Thank God for wonderful timing that I get to see her one more time. Got the bed changed and room cleaned up. Told Mom it was ready for inspection. She laughed. Mom was looking for ‘her’ green yarn. I made the mistake of telling I had it since it was ‘my’ green yarn that I was using for crocheting my leprechauns. By the time I told her she could have it, she didn’t want it even though she only had one skein and “that wasn’t enough to make a scarf”. She wouldn’t believe me that it was. We both agreed that we’d just go shopping and buy some more. When she ‘sees’ something, it converts into ‘it’s mine’ in her brain. Dad & I have natural boar bristle brushes that we like. So Dad brought one for Mom and I picked up another at Margaret’s request. Mom put hers in the drawer with MOM written on it so nobody would take it in error. Two days later, Margaret’s brush disappeared off Danny’s table. I found it unwrapped in Mom’s drawer and her ‘MOM’ brush was still hanging from her walker’s arm. She never missed the one in the drawer.
Met my relatives in the parking lot. They were happy since they were concerned about getting lost inside the Medford airport. We had a lovely visit in the TINY airport. There was one airplane parked outside. We watched it leave and then Tom’s plane arrived.
Thanksgiving dinner was delicious of course. Kathy and Susan each cooked so there was a small crowd at each home. I hear that Mom & Dad were in grand form and bantered very happily back and forth. We all gathered for a wide variety of deserts at Margaret’s home. Who was here? Mom, Dad, Diane, Margaret, Greg, Joel, Lori, Henry, Tom, Susan, David, Sean, Brian, Evvone, Brian (friend), Kathy, Sara, Evan, Shelia, Joey (3 months old), and Shelby. It was a little difficult saying goodbye to my sisters. They’ll have their hands full in the future and will do a beautiful job taking care of the folks.
Tom chauffeured Mom & Dad home and followed my car. He was brave and drank a cup of vinegar and honey with me (2 tsp. apple cider vinegar, 1 tsp. honey, boiling water).
Tomorrow morning I’ll introduce him to my goat yogurt *censored*tail (with alfalfa grass, St John’s wart, and tripaphla)! We had a blast taking pictures of each other. Dad took a picture and then asked where to look through the camera. Then Dad ate some soft food while Tom, Mom & I played canasta. Mom won. Tom & Mom were tired and went to bed early. Dad is doing paperwork and I’m typing. I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight since Tom’s snoring is a bit loud! The mountains are supposed to be in the twenties tonight so I don’t want to leave too early and take the chance of finding ice. I’d like to get an early start but I guess that’s not going to happen. Oh well… I’ll enjoy the morning routine one more time. My old routine back home is going to feel strange but I’m ready to try it again.
Friday 11-25-04
There was ice on the mountain pass so I couldn’t leave early. Mom mentioned she might take a shower today so we skipped exercising and showered instead. Dad and Tom woke up and we all worked in the kitchen making, and eating breakfast. It was a festive occasion with so much laughter that Dad actually burned the oatmeal & milk he was warming up. Dave Cotner came over and crawled around in the attic checking the roof since there were hills on the roof when they cleaned the gutters last week. Dave told Dad that he needed a new roof and a few sections of the wood underneath. Recommended waiting until spring or, at least, a long dry spell. Dave will make arrangements for a free estimate from people that did his roof.
Joel came over to take his Uncle Tom swimming. Margaret and Shelby arrived to take Mom shopping (while Tom went swimming). I said goodbye and got on the road (around 10:30am). Thankfully, it wasn’t difficult to leave. I later learned that Tom returned from swimming with Joel and joined Dad for his three hour swim! A few hours into my drive, Mom called me from Margaret’s cell phone. She said she was Grandma and on the way home to show me all the presents they brought for Tom. I told her I was on my way back to California. She was extremely apologetic about leaving me to go shopping and not keeping me company. I assured her that she did a grand job of keeping me company and that I left BEFORE she went shopping. That was a difficult conversation – saying goodbye again.
I did meet my niece (from my husband’s side) for lunch at Grandma’s House in Yreka for two hours. She and her two children were on the way up to Medford from Folsom, CA. It’s been so nice having mini family reunions lately.
I arrived home about 7:30pm – tired but content. I walked around my home feeling like a visitor in a vaguely familiar place. I’ve been gone almost seven weeks – in touch with family and friends by phone only. Unpacking and tidying up in the next two days has made me feel like I’m back home….for now. Next trip? Go see my dear adult ‘kids’ and grandchildren.
Dad opened the front door. Walked outside. Came in and reported that my car was fine and all was well the morning after Halloween. In the 1930s ‘trick or treat’ was more about tricks then treats. The ‘normal’ tricks consisted of dumping over garbage cans, letting air out of car tires and removing fence gates and putting them on top of garages! I’m grateful Halloween traditions have evolved! I met Susan’s Monday hiking group on the other end of Grant’s Pass and spent a leisurely few hours strolling near a river, getting to know new people and watching trout spawn. Some of the group has been hiking together for almost 20 years. It was good to explore and do something different.
While I was hiking Mom folded laundry on the swivel chair and couldn’t get up. Dad called a neighbor (Deanna) who came and helped him.
Dad went swimming at around 1:15 pm. I called Mom when I was in town (2:15pm) and told her I was on the way home. It takes about 10 minutes to get through town. I found Mom in the laundry room trying to get glass bottles of juice onto her new walker so she could stock the kitchen (which usually isn’t stocked). She couldn’t maneuver around the dryer rack. Normally if she’s left alone she would stay in her chair crocheting, watching TV and near to the phone. Her new walker (with four wheels, a seat and a basket) has empowered her to new possibilities. She can set the table, put dishes away, move books from one room to another, put away laundry, etc. Her THRILL is to rearrange the house to HER liking. She is meticulous that objects be in their proper place and not cluttered. That’s challenging since Dad loves piles of papers and books. She won’t touch his stuff, but she does ask him to move it every few days. Yesterday I told her that Bill leaves greasy tools around the house (stretched the truth a little) and that’s the price I pay for the please of his company. Dad chimed in “Yes!”
On Saturday Mom wanted to give the new walker back to the people that loaned it to her. Sunday morning she woke up saying it was beautiful. She practiced around the house and we took it to church. Between going to church and later to dinner, Dad tried all different ways of storing the bigger walker in the car (with and without wheelchair, on top of wheelchair, in middle seat sideways and up and down). Then we found out it folds up!
My notes are mixed up; I don’t know what day it is. Sue came over with old photo albums she’s in the midst of redoing for her adult sons. Mom didn’t recognize her own wedding picture. A magnifying glass did help some. We ate leftovers at different times. I chatted with Dad while he ate. Mom was tired and ready to go to bed at 7pm. She stayed up to play cards so we started another daily activity – play cards in evening. We’ve done it three nights in a row so far. Double solitaire, rummy and canasta have been our games so far. Canasta has been a family game for a few generations. I remember playing it with Mom’s mother Nanny. Mom actually remembers quite a few of the rules-especially after two days of repeating them. Her mind does pretty well with it but once in awhile the rules are totally forgotten. Last night she put her discard #5 on my pile of nines and didn’t understand why it didn’t belong there. The game is good for her to count points, add numbers, and make decisions. She always did like numbers and it shows.
11-2-04
Mom had a rough night last night – up about four times and needed help twice. In the AM Mom was going to wash up. I asked about washing her hair. She said she might as well take a shower. Yippee! Occasionally I ‘mention’ that she’s taking two showers a week since I’ve been here. So far, it’s been true.
We did chair aerobics and ate oatmeal for breakfast. Mom constantly asked me if I was getting dressed. I kept answering ‘nope, I like being comfortable’. It’s becoming a morning fun routine to bug me about getting dressed. I like getting dressed after breakfast, exercise, etc. She’ll exercise in nightclothes but likes to get dressed before breakfast.
Raven arrived for Mom’s first at home massage (acupressure/oriental medicine). Her purple table is adjustable for Mom’s best sitting height. As Raven rubbed different spots on her legs, Mom would ask, “How long are you going to do that?” Raven would smile and say “Just a day or two” or “A week for this one”. Mom got up twice to go to the bathroom but came back to the table for more – a bit fearful but willing. Raven has worked with hospice before and has a wonderful way of making Mom feel special. The ‘massage’ ended with Raven singing Mom some chant. By the end of two hours, Raven & Mom exchanged hugs and a kiss. Dad calls Raven a healer, asked her to return next week for Mom, and will go to her also.
Mom & I went grocery shopping (every other day activity – need to buy some fresh wild salmon), made potato soup, Dad to Fred Myers, JAG and then canasta.
I ordered a CD (Showboat) for the folks a few days before and was surprised when ‘it’ arrived so fast. I enjoyed watching Mom’s excitement as she opened the package. I was surprised it wasn’t the CD I ordered. Mom and Dad were happily surprised to receive a Judy Garland in Concert CD set and I was amazed they didn’t already have it. A few days later, the Showboat CD arrived. Mom & Dad’s CD player holds three CDs. The new ones are all in there now and we enjoy listening to them every night (I’m typing this on 11/12).
11-3
Chair aerobics – normal comments about neighbor across the street must have a day care center, Melinda’s (teacher) black pants look so nice I need a pair, and doesn’t this seem long this morning? I fast forward in two areas to cut the one-hour video down to 40 or 45 minutes. Mom sometimes ‘quits’ in the middle. I keep going. She usually joins back in after a few minutes.
Oatmeal again (Mom added carrot cake and pumpernickel bread after her small bowl of oatmeal – said she wasn’t hungry). She dressed while I was cooking and I forgot to set out a pull-up. She refused to put on a pad so I refused to take her shopping with me. We spent some time in separate rooms, cooled off, and let it go. She told me she was ready to go shopping and had the pad on. We went to Market of Choice (great grocery store!), Staples and the Herb Shop.
When we got home, Dad was just finishing breakfast. Mom had tea and saltines. I had tea and an apple – our ‘lunch’,
Mom was cutting carrots for me and cut her finger. It scared her. Dad asked if she needed a band-aid. I looked at her finger; it was only a small cut. Mom said “No. I’ll be fine.” Dad joked – “We’ll have to check for fingers in the spinach”. He left. Mom was angry and said, “He didn’t have to laugh.” I said that my Bill sometimes laughs when I’m hurt and scared too. That’s his way of trying to make me feel better but all it does is make me mad. Strange that it serves a purpose – now I’m angry instead of scared. Women seem to give each other sympathy, but not men. We finished making the spinach/carrot/flaxseed soup.
Folded clothes and then looked for Mom’s wedding rings. They’re too big lately so she put them away and couldn’t find them. We found them in the jewelry box, and separated Grandma Julie’s jewelry into a baggie. Now Mom can see what’s in her jewelry box easier.
Mom took a nap. I washed the floor, cleaned the bathroom (with straight vinegar) and made some phone calls. Mom woke up startled and scared: “Where’s Kathy????” I answered “Safe and sound working at the bank”. She said, “Okay, you can go back to doing whatever again.”
11/4
Three more weeks and I go home. When I first got here, I wanted to stay until they died. The idea of going back home sooner is becoming a reasonable option.
6:30am Dad turned on the heat. He met Mom going to the bathroom. “Are you going back to bed”? “Yes”. “See ya later”.
I did a castor oil pack, read for an hour and then went back to sleep. I woke up at 9 AM and found Mom crocheting in the living room (since 7:30 she says). She said she HAD to make time for crocheting. She was thinking of adding a white row after six red rows. I told her we decided to do ALL red in the middle with white and red only on both ends. She gets all confused about knots, where to start, and etc. when changing colors. She also forgets and keeps trying to add a white row. I finally hid the white yarn behind the TV set so she can’t find it! Now (11/13) she’s working on straightening out the edges. God help this afghan! The edges get cut, knotted, and then crocheted. Oh my. The edge is still crooked. I wish she would just remember to crochet rows of red and let me fix the edges when it’s long enough. Bottom line – the project serves two purposes – one to keep her busy. The other to give my daughter something her Grandma made for her. Maybe the one she made a few years ago and uses on her chair will fit the bill.
Mom & I picked up Shelby (now 8 years young) from her school (hat day). Shelby ran/hopped/skipped and I pushed Mom around the three blocks of downtown Rogue River. We visited the impressive local museum. Shelby was turning the handle of an old meat grinder and told Grandma it was an old-fashioned pencil sharpener. We met Aunt Margaret at McDonald’s in Grants Pass and she continued the child sitting.
11-5 Saturday
Chair aerobics
Breakfast
11am my appointment with Raven. Her input is helping me make major changes on how I take care of myself. I definitely prefer acupressure/Oriental medicine instead of acupuncture. I’m learning some techniques to continue after I leave here.
Noon – I was leaving the office. Dad was walking in for his. He calls Raven a healer and is going for weekly appointments also.
Evening – I played double solitaire with Mom until she was frustrated because she couldn’t remember why the row of aces existed. She chanted: “I’m done. I’m done.” Dad (sitting on the other end of the table doing paperwork) chimed in “I’m Tom. I’m Tom.” Then we played go fish until she had enough and told me to go jump in a lake. Then we played concentration. I used ten pair of cards. It was interesting!
11-6 Sunday
Shower
Church
Lunch/Supper at Wild River Brewery. We all shared their great minestrone soup and homemade bread. Mom ate a Reuben sandwich. I had ¼ of it. Dad had cannoli. Mom & Dad ordered an éclair to go. Wound up munching on it in front of me. I resisted temptation somehow. It sat in the refrigerator for four days and I still didn’t touch it. I’m struggling, but succeeding, at not doing sweets.
Mom & I went shopping at Fred Myers (underwear for Dad, socks for me, stamps, vitamins and jar opener). On the way home, Kathy & Shelby drove by. They had been visiting Dad since we weren’t there. They turned around and came back. Kathy read my diary pages from July 1968 when we moved from New York to Albuquerque. She now knows the first day she went to kindergarten. She laughed often at the color scheme of curtains and clothes we made &/or dyed. She also laughed at some sibling situations described on the pages. Shelby was VERY interested also.
Mom & I tried a new card game – Liverpool Rummy – taught to me by my dear departed first cousin Kathy Masone. Mom asked me four different times where I got the instructions from. Every time I would say Kathy Masone we had a different conversation – my input consisted of: we were in Florida together shortly before she died OR simply she died. Mom’s input was: she was just here OR we need to invite her over someday.
7pm – meeting – nice group.
11-8 Monday
Shower – no more metal strip from old glass doors. THANK YOU Dave Cotner!!! I was also praised for my gentle cleaning, drying, etc until………..Mom was getting out clean clothes to put on and knew she should put pull-ups on since she was spending the day out with Margaret. She pulled out regular underwear. We were laughing about my wet nightgown from the over spray. I thought I was cute saying that I might be wet but she would be too if she wore her silk underwear. The angry monster emerged “Learn some manners on how to respect your Mother”. I said, “I’ll try” and walked away. Mom said “Dammit (I don’t remember her cussing before!) Give me those things. I’ll do it for you today but don’t ask me again.” I said that I was going to ask her to sign a statement next time she has an accident.
Breakfast time – She wanted a frozen waffle. I had oatmeal as usual. She asked what I was going to do today. I said, “I was going hiking with Susan’s hiking group. I think you’re tired of me and need a break.” Mom said, “I’ll never be tired of you. Who else makes me such good waffles for breakfast!”
I went on a glorious hike about 15 miles east of Grants Pass. The hiking group greeted me with hugs. Such wonderfully warm people – I just met them last week! It was grand spending time with others and hiking through the forest.
I hurried home to work on the Family Trust while Margaret took Mom for a spin. Dad was just getting ready to go swimming. Dad told me to offer Mom’s anger to God or something like that. He did remind me that the anger is part of the disease and I shouldn’t take it personally. The blessing is that she forgets the anger as quickly as she forgets everything else. He showed me where all the papers are, etc.
Cells phones are wonderful. Margaret kept me up-to-date on their gallivanting to her property at Murphy’s, Sears & sandwich, Costco in Medford, and then heading home.
Supper – wild salmon as usual lately.
10 pm – Mom woke from her sleep panicked and asking, “Where are all the kids going to go?” She explained that there wasn’t room for their normal sleep over. I assured her that they were all safe and sound in their own beds. She relaxed and went back to sleep.
11-9 Sherry’s birthday
Chair aerobics. Mom needed help getting up. Once up, she couldn’t stay up and fell back down into the chair. I sat below her thinking it would be easier for her to get up. It wasn’t. She didn’t want to squish me so was trying to hold herself partway up/down. She called, ‘Tom – come help us!’ He came in, laughed and said he wished he had a camera. I slid out from under Mom and we both helped her up.
Tuesday is Raven’s day to come give Mom an acupressure/massage. Mom enjoyed it more then last week. I recorded Mom telling Raven how much she enjoyed it and looked forward to the next one. The recording also includes Mom telling me how wonderful Raven is and how wonderful she feels AFTER Raven left. In the next few days I told Mom three times that I had the recording if she wanted to listen to it – every time Mom slips into her martyr role about how hard it is to get a massage and wants to cancel her future massage.
Market of Choice
Staples
We all sang Happy Birthday to Sherry and had a great conversation.
TV – JAG
11-10 Wednesday
Chair aerobics
Breakfast
Shower
Lunch with my Al-Anon friends.
Dad to bank, food shopping and pick up medicines.
Mom & I made coleslaw (cabbage, broccoli, carrot, organic mayo, white vinegar – they love it!) and soup (asparagus, leek, potato, squash & onion). I’m glad Mom likes to peel and cut veggies!
Deanna (next door neighbor) came to cut Mom’s toenails. Mom has the thickest nails I’ve ever seen. Deanna has been giving Mom a pedicure for a long time. She told Mom that her feet look MUCH better. All purple areas except one were gone. Exercise and acupressure massage are doing something!
Dinner – salmon. Discussion centered on Thanksgiving for awhile since Mom keeps trying to make plans. I introduced the idea of Margaret and Susan cooking so we could split the family between the two houses side by side (I think that’s what has been decided in RR). Mom is disappointed that everyone won’t be coming to her house, which has THE biggest table. She doesn’t know that Dad doesn’t want everyone here. He believes it would be TOO much for Mom. Then we talk about Tom coming from Chicago on Thanksgiving at 1:30pm. I asked if they would go to the airport 30 minutes early so I can visit my sister-in-law who lives in Sacramento, is moving to Denver and will be in Medford for Thanksgiving at her daughter-in-law’s parent’s home.
Dad suggested that I pick up Tom by myself so I can visit with my sister-in-law and have a short time with Tom by myself, which I had requested for sometime during Thanksgiving Day. Mom doesn’t like the idea, of course, since she wants to greet everyone at the airport. By not going to the airport, she’ll have more energy for Thanksgiving dinner. We’ll avoid the subject for awhile.
JAG and crocheted.
Worked on my computer.
11/11/04
Chair aerobics.
Breakfast – oatmeal with organic apricots.
Yard work with Margaret for 3 ½ hours!! We were JUST going to trim the bushes where Dad parks his car when there are three cars in the driveway. The bushes are now trimmed, some uprooted, ivy removed, dead leaves disposed of, hoses put away for the winter, yellow pansies planted in front, bush & rosebush trimmed in front, ivy trimmed on side until I jammed the trimmer. Margaret is persistent. The parking area now has LOTS of room. The fresh air and exercise felt grand.
Margaret took Mom home with her because my worked called me for a special project. They returned two hours later just as I was finishing. Yippee for laptops!
11/12/04
I woke at 6:30am. Worked on this journal with the portable heater and two lights on. I tripped the circuit breaker!! Normally I only have one light on. I couldn’t reset the breaker – probably because it was too hot and need to cool down. Mom & I did chair aerobics without the benefit of watching the video. Of course, our ‘class’ was much shorter then Melinda’s! When Dad woke up enough for me to tell him, he called his good friend who happens to be a master mechanic. Electricity was restored quickly and they had fun teasing me. Dad also found out that computers draw very little electricity.
Mom & I had a child sitting commitment with Shelby from noon to 3:30pm. We managed to get into Kathy’s house without calling for help. Mom’s knees had a good day today! The first hour sped by as we said goodbye to the old babysitters and arranged Mac & cheese for lunch in the dining room (no ice cream until after eating all the Mac & cheese – never happened). Shelby was excited about a backrub she heard I wanted to give her with sesame oil. The backrub turned into a full body massage (neck down with only undies). She wanted more and more and more. She liked smelling like peanut butter. We then watched TV for awhile, played a math game on her computer and a make-up-the-rules junior scrabble game. Shelby thought of bigger words (career) then me!
Margaret took over child sitting again. I did some food shopping – we’re having tilapia instead of salmon. Watched Mash on TV while we ate – unusual but good.
Played canasta with Mom. She got the four red threes and two canastas – had a great hand. The next hand she couldn’t remember the rules and went to bed at 8pm.
I’m glad this journal is finally caught up!
Good night & hugs to all!
11-13-04 Saturday
Chair aerobics WITH the video tape today (yesterday no electricity). This was the first time Mom didn’t mention that it seemed long.
Breakfast – oatmeal for Dad & I. Mom – waffle with karo dark syrup (yuck!)
Shower – wanted clean hair for church tomorrow. Sure likes the bathtub without the shower door’s metal edge.
11 AM – my weekly acupressure/massage appointment. Learned another way of massage to help myself after I leave. I wish I could take Raven to my hometown.
Noon – Dad’s appointment – he looks forward to it and marvels about it when he comes home. The song she sometimes sings is Gregorian Chant from her grammar school days. She was mad at a friend. They both wound up in the Principle’s office who made them sing. She found it soothing to the spirit and has used it ever since.
1:30pm – Margaret (pre-arranged) came and took Mom shopping in Medford (mall, target and Costco). I cleaned the house real fast and then spent the next few hours organizing Dad’s paperwork. His metal filing box now has folders for automobile, certificates (Mom & Dad), banks, insurances, pensions, taxes, etc. Dad was impressed with how quickly I organized it. I told him I was having fun….and I was…especially seeing the old certificates – birth, baptism, confirmation, marriage, passports, honorable discharge, pension info, etc. Now it will be easy to transfer the details into the trust since I found original insurance policies, etc. The trust was set up nicely. Dad transferred the house and banks into the trust name. The final touches will be done soon.
5:30 pm – Mom arrived home exhausted but happy. She sat at the kitchen table (too full from pizza and ice cream sundae to eat dinner) snacking on sweet stick thing-a-ma-gigs (piromaulines from a round tin). The old tin was in the refrigerator. I read the words on the new tin and found out it didn’t need refrigeration. I was going to put them in the white cabinet. Dad told Margaret to take the other two and put them in the laundry room. Mom cracked up laughing so hard she was crying. Her laugh was SO contagious; Margaret & I also needed tissues to dry our eyes. Dad caught the laughing bug but no tears. We all tried to understand what Mom found so funny. She had a hard time explaining while she was laughing. She thought Dad put the tins in the laundry room. Margaret moved them to the white cabinet, and then Margaret moved them to the laundry room or something like that. She just thought we were like a circus moving these silly tins around. We thought it was wonderful to see Mom totally into a good-can’t-stop-laughing mode.
6:30 pm – Mom, Dad & I watched a video from Fr. Tom Donaldson – a missionary in Grants Pass in 1992. Sue found the videos that Dad remembered at a friend’s home. We borrowed them and are greatly enjoyed his wit and passion. Dad will order some sets next week. (Later-Videos not available anymore. Copyright lady returned my call at 6:30am – thinking area code 541 was the east coast. She gladly granted permission to copy tapes and sent a fax to Photo Den. )
Mom was in bed by 8pm. At 9:15 pm she woke up and came to my bedroom’s door with a ‘good morning’ greeting. I happily returned to greeting. She shush-ed me because Dad was still sleeping. She was surprised that it was still night and Dad, nor I, had been to bed yet. She drank part of her favorite drink – juicy juice – and contently went back to bed.
P.S. Aunt Edie called today (or yesterday). ‘Tis always grand to talk to her.
Sunday 11-14-04
Chair aerobics – still no mention of it being too long!
Breakfast – Mom & Dad had waffle since we’re short on time. I had cold cereal with raisins and rice milk.
Church – Dad walked to and from home. Mom & I actually made it into the pew about one minute before church starts – for the last two weeks. They were always late before then!
Good singing and a few friendly people as usual.
Carol in Albuquerque called –great conversation as usual.
Lunch at JJ North – buffet style – too much food. Dad indulged and enjoyed many selections; Mom and I stretched the time as best we could – chew SLOWLY.
Shortly after we got home, I went to the restroom. Bill called and Mom forgot where I was. She called Dad who was outside getting ready to go shopping. He reminded her where I was. While talking to Bill, I hear Mom hollering ‘Kathy’. Kathy pulled into the driveway, thought we weren’t home and was going away. I stepped outside with the phone and she saw me. Had a nice visit listening to Kathy’s adventures and giving Shelby her requested backrub (with oils). Shelby also enjoys typing, and the paint program, on my laptop. We called Matthew and Jeremy and sang Happy Birthday to their answering machines.
As Kathy was leaving, Dad arrived home with the groceries. Mom and Dad found a musical on TV to watch for awhile until it became ‘hokey’. I signed on my laptop, did some routine work and chatted with my daughter, grandson, and a friend in Turlock.
Then it was time for my weekly meeting – 10 people tonight. Made plans with some for lunch this week.
Dad beat Mom to bed but got up two hours later for an 11pm snack.
p.s. 11/9 – nose ring
Monday 11-15-04
Mom was in the living room crocheting for over an hour. The poor red blanket keeps getting ‘fixed’. Dad & I slept in until 9am (I worked until almost midnight). Chair aerobics – time passed quickly since we chatted about Thanksgiving a good portion of the time. Today’s focus was on who was eating where. Since Kathy and Susan are cooking, the family needs to separate (no house is big enough and Dad doesn’t want it here). It’s been suggested (it DOESN’T matter by whom), that the head of the family, and out-of-town company, split up. Mom would like to be around little kids so will go to Kathy’s but she thinks she SHOULD be with her mate. She’s so good (sarcastic) at sighing, being the martyr, and agreeing to go along with the decision. It’s difficult sometimes to keep my voice light, validate her feelings and appreciate her sacrifice. (11/17 I asked Dad about Thanksgiving dinner. He told Mom he would go wherever she wants. Eating separate places just isn’t worth the hassle. Dad saves his energy for more important things. I’ll go wherever they’re not. )
Mom & I ran many errands making copies (videos, pictures, papers). DMV was right across the street from one stop. Mom was in the mood to follow through with turning in her driver’s license and getting a state issued ID card. Thanks Margaret for laying out the groundwork on Saturday! The DMV lady was marvelous. We went in at noon and there was only one person in line. What a pleasurable experience compared to where I live! The lady that gave Mom her walker, was going into DMV as we were coming out. Great timing to thank her in person (thanks over the phone a few weeks ago). We ate lunch at Si Casa Flores – two different yummy shrimp dinners. Some Red Hat ladies were in a nearby room. I introduced myself and asked them to stop and say hi to my Mom. She enjoyed the attention of course. I have their Queen’s phone number so maybe Mom & I can join them when I return for March.
Mom authorized AARP to talk to me about their car insurance. Mom & Dad will get a refund on their policy ($297 annualized). Mom teased Dad (when he got home from swimming) that he owed her $300. I also called New Mexico Credit Union, made believe I was Mom, and asked why we hadn’t received the balance of the account yet. Dad had asked me to follow through with it. They neglected to say the account couldn’t be closed since ‘we’ still had a visa with them. Dad will keep the visa and a big balance of $5 in the account.
Dinner was going to be a grand affair – potato & yam for Dad. Halibut and our leftover veggies, etc from lunch today. I asked Mom if she wanted some of the rice she liked at lunch. She said she was having ‘this’ rice. I said that was carrot, cabbage, broccoli coleslaw, not rice. It was the WRONG thing to say. She laid into me loudly – I had been picking on her, and correcting her ALL day. She was ANGRY. Except for the Thanksgiving Day conversation this morning, we’ve been laughing and enjoying all kinds of stuff today. During these angry outbursts, I try to focus on the idea that is part of the disease – which she has no control over. I also realize that I don’t need to correct her ‘mistakes’ and slip up sometimes. “How important is it” that she say that coleslaw is rice? None at all. The outbursts are less if I just let her believe whatever she wants. It’s confusing, and amazing. Ex: She definitely knows that Tom is coming on Thanksgiving and enjoys teasing me about my need to clean off the extra bed…but she can’t remember that some organization calls once a month (for the last fifteen years) to pick up donations. She has two bags of ‘stuff’ to give away and wants to take it to St. Vincent de Paul’s. Dad tells us no – he’ll wait for the phone call. So – dinner was quiet for a few minutes and then it passed. Dad is good at diverting attention – talked about the delicious food and how great it is to come home from swimming to a cooked, delicious meal. Mom follows his lead.
Watched Archie Bunker and some ice-skating. Mom to bed at 8 pm.
Time for me to sign on the laptop and get some work done.
Tuesday 11-16-04
11:30 PM last night – Mom was breathing heavy and asked Dad for help getting up. I had just gone to bed so heard her and responded. Normally she’s lying on her right side. I found her on her left side gasping for breath and unable to sit up. I untangled her feet from the blanket, leaned over her and told her to put her arms around me, put my arms under her armpits, bent my knees and lifted her to a sitting position. She sat up and caught her breath. I put her slippers on her feet. She got up, thanked me for the help and shuffled off to the bathroom. God, help me to make lifestyle changes now to prevent this from being my future.
AM – Mom told me she slept great last night. I told her I did too.
Chair aerobics – told me she gave up her driver’s license and felt relieved
Shower
Breakfast – Mom listened to the recording of her telling me how much she loved her massage last week. The recorder was too close to me so she couldn’t understand it. I told her she was in charge of the recorder today and could put it close to herself. She always feels better when she has some control, or at least input, into any activity.
Get dressed.
Wait for massage. Raven arrived. Mom got partially undressed for massage. Mom can’t stand to hang around the house in a bathrobe. I LOVE my comfort clothes. Mom & I are so alike in many ways but different in others. It’s been interesting expanding my list and becoming aware of what I want to change to prevent some of the similarities.
While Mom was getting her massage, I ran some errands and got the oil changed on my car. Oregon is amazing. The oil change and get a new air filter took twenty minutes. There was no one on line. DMV, the other day, had one person on line. When you call in a refill here, a REAL person answers the phone instead of recorded messages. And, of course, you can’t pump your own gas here – the gas station attendant does it.
I arrived home just as the massage was finishing and asked Mom if it was okay to record her. She said yes and talked into the recorder about how wonderful she felt and wanted more massages. Two days later she was going to call Raven and cancel but changed her mind and said she’ll do it one more week.
Lazy afternoon. Went grocery shopping by myself to get Dad some fish. Margaret stopped by for awhile after her massage. Great visit as usual.
Mom & I played canasta. About the third hand, she went out without canasta. How important is it? It wasn’t worth mentioning.
Watched TV and crocheted together.
Wednesday 11-17-04
Chair aerobics
Breakfast – bacon, veggie scramble eggs and ½ English muffin – very different.
Went to Fred Meyer looking for a nightgown. Old nightgowns are ‘cut’ for comfort too much now. ‘Have scissors, will cut’ and ‘have tape, will repair’ are two mottos that I use to tease the folks. $40 for a nightgown that will be cut is ridiculous so Mom & I did some food shopping (as usual!) and went home. Dad was just finishing breakfast (normally noon or 1pm). He went swimming. Mom & I made potato soup (potato, leek, squash, carrots, broccoli, garlic, organic vegetable broth) and coleslaw (broccoli, cabbage, carrots, organic soy mayo & white vinegar-in their new chopper) – their two favorite dishes since I’ve been here.
I oiled some more squeaky doors around here and used bleach on some mold in Dad’s bathroom. Mom & I nailed a BIG calendar on the wall near her bed. She LIKES it because she can read it without her glasses. She’s getting into the habit of crossing off a day when she goes to bed. We wrote notes of upcoming events on the small calendar (this years). These ideas came from the Alzheimer’s organization.
Supper—Mom to bed at 7pm. My dear friend called her cell phone (loaned to me). As we were talking, Matthew called from Tennessee. Dad & I had nice long conversations with him. Then Susan called – back from ten days with Kevin and Mindy. I’m looking forward to catching up with her. During these conversations, I was working on the trust – it’s almost done. Mom woke up at 9:15, 10:30 and midnight. The next morning she has no memory of it. She did remember a dream – walking the in forest, fell in a hole, her legs were trapped in mud. I asked how did she get out. She said she woke up.
Thursday 11-18-04
Chair aerobics AND tai chai’s acupressure section.
Breakfast – oatmeal has become our staple. I add apricots or raisins to it. Mom & I eat some and leave some in the pot so Dad doesn’t have to cook when he wakes up.
Went shopping at Goodwill for nightgowns and dropped off two donation bags that Mom just didn’t want to wait for the home service anymore. I’ve wanted to walk around downtown Grants Pass and today was the day. We lasted for about two hours – a few thrift stores and the Champion outlet. Found a few nightgowns for Mom and some work shirts for Bill. Mom also brought some sweat pants and a fleece blanket.
Mom didn’t wear pull-ups today – she almost made it down the hall. Exercise has improved her muscular control but …
When we arrived home, Dad was just finishing breakfast. He finished typing his article for the church newspaper, then went to the church and the bank and exercised on the machine in my room.
We’re watching the Marine Corp marching bands – the silent band is very impressive. I’m catching up with computer work. Mom is working on the red blanket – wants to finish it so I can take it home. I’m grateful she’s now making it longer and stopped trying to straighten the edges! During one of the marches, Mom told me to move my legs and get some exercise. I saluted her and said yes sir drill sergeant. Dad & Mom laughed. Then she told me to bend my knees. I was just doing leg lifts since I was sitting with the laptop on my lap! Next comes the Judy Garland video….
Mom thinks she can cook again but she said I could cook tonight so she can finish the red blanket. Had the same thing as last night and added some beets and broccoli. Mom said she was full but sat their eating saltines with butter – a normal occurrence anymore.
Went to curves for exercise.
Typed up ‘rules/suggestions’ for temporarily living here.
Friday 11-18-04
Chair aerobics
Very low fog outside – unusual – reminds me of my home! One hour at a time, we waited to decide to go to Medford or not. Mom then said she was ready. I asked if she had her pull-ups on. Wrong question. She adamantly refused to wear them. I calmly said that was no problem, we just wouldn’t go to Medford. She told me to go by myself. I said no, I’d just wait until I get home to go to Michael’s. She put them on and read me the riot act for half the ride to Medford. I calmly repeated that I was NOT giving her orders. I was setting my own boundary of not being willing to go out of town with her without her pull-ups on. If she didn’t want to wear them, that was okay with me. I have no problem staying at her home or just doing short, local trips. We did a few shopping stops, had a great visit at Sean’s house, and a wonderful bowl of soup at Olive Gardens. We sang songs on the way home and enjoyed the scenery. Dad was eating at the table when we walked in the house. Mom asked if he was eating supper. He laughed, and said he was just finishing breakfast (4pm!). Cute. He went grocery shopping. I opened Mom’s old sewing machine and sewed her new pajama bottoms.
Saturday 11-19-04
Chair aerobics – Mom was adamant about wanting to stay home today (when she talked yesterday). Today she asked me where we were going! I said anywhere she wanted to go in town after my massage. She’ll think about it.
Shower – need clean hair for church tomorrow.
11 am – My acupressure/oriental medicine/massage with Raven. More great info to help myself.
Noon – Dad’s appointment with Raven. He told her the story about the song Amazing Grace. She closed her session by singing it to him. Next week she’ll sing Danny Boy to him.
Mom was home for ten minutes by herself. I’m grateful I found her getting some sweets instead of moving glass bottles or making a cup of tea (like I have in the past). We make sure she has everything she needs before we leave her alone. She feels better lately (between exercise & massage) and thinks she can do so many things. Cooking is the spookiest because she has a tendency to put wrong burners on, etc.
Joel came over for a visit. After awhile we left for a cup of tea, etc. at Black Forest. I love one-on-one meetings. It’s lovely seeing my nieces and nephews as adults.
Mom & Dad were finishing lunch when I arrived home. After one hour, Mom was ready to go cook dinner for Dad. So far, it’s worked to tell her – “I’m hungry too. Let’s go do it together.” Somehow or other she lets me cook and she sets the table. I put the stove stuff on very low, keep stirring, and stand by the stove so I’m too ‘busy’ to set the table and need her help. Of course, Dad wants the refrigerator stuff put out last. It’s an interesting balancing act. We all ate supper 30 minutes later – when the wild salmon was done! Amazing the positive feedback I get about how wonderful it tastes even though we eat pretty much the same thing every night!
After dishes, I went to Rogue River to visit Margaret and Susan. Within ten minutes I had two phone calls. Mom called to suggest I stay there for the night since it was cold and dark out. I thanked her for the great suggestion and said I would miss my pillows and doing chair aerobics in the morning with her so I was coming home later.
The second phone call was my niece from Folsom, CA. She’s coming up to Medford on Friday and was hoping we could get together. Luckily we both have cell phones so will meet on Highway 5 somewhere while I’m heading home Friday.
I returned to Grants Pass at 10 pm and Mom & Dad were still up. Mom was heading to bed but still not tired. We laughed about my ‘curfew’.
Sunday 11-20-04
Mom was up a few times last night. I didn’t sleep well so stayed in bed until 9 am when Dad also got up. I heard Mom getting up at 7:30am. She said she crocheted a few rows and was just sitting and relaxing. We decided to skip chair aerobics for a change. Mom & I finished our breakfast. Dads sat down to eat him. He started getting irritated at Mom’s attempts to make conversation (grass out on the rocks, same old comments/questions) so I asked her if she wanted to do a few minutes of Tai Chai. We did for about 30 minutes – I rewound the self-massage area and did it again!
Dad walked to church and Mom & I drove. I’ve been lucky finding parking spots out front….otherwise Mom would be taken care of by the greeters. It’s a nice tradition having a few friendly greeters at the door every week – coming and going. We always sit in the same pew. The last few weeks a daughter, taking care of her Mother with her first walker, has been next to us. We hugged goodbye until I return in March.
Dad put out the weekly garbage and started some wash. We all participated in finding Mom’s glasses. She found them in her pocketbook that is never used. It just hangs on the doorknob.
Monday 11-21-04
Took most of the day off to go hiking with Susan and her hiking group in the beautiful Oregon Mountains. Five of the people have been hiking together for fifteen years. They’re now in their 70s plus and still hiking – a bit slower but enjoying the grand outdoors. We hiked to a waterfall. I was expecting something like Yosemite’s waterfalls and laughed out loud when we arrived at a two-foot waterfall! There was a bigger ten-foot fall nearby! My expectations are changed for the next hike to a waterfall! The atmosphere was great anyway.
Dave Cotner and Joel Peterson spent most of the day at Mom & Dad’s doing minor repairs and cleaning out yucky, yucky gutters. It’s so nice not to have a dripping sink and to have an extra handrail for Mom near the tub! Thanks Dave and Joel for your continued maintenance!
Tuesday 11-22-04
After Mom opened the curtains and shut off the night-lights, she asked me if I wanted to exercise! While exercising she said she was planning on taking a shower today and trying out her new towel bar. She put two hand towels on her new rack (for help in getting out of the tub). She loves rearranging towels, nick knacks, and small moveable things (water bottles, lotion, candles, yarn, books, her papers). It’s worth checking her garbage and goodwill bags before they leave. I found her physician orders for ‘do not resuscitate’ in the trash.
Shower was fun – For a few minutes, she was at ‘Diane’s beauty college’. She teasingly told me she would give me a tip for good service. I laughed and said ‘Sure you will. Probably something like: the sun will come up tomorrow!”.
While exercising Mom was talking about ‘her’ boys. She’s looking forward to Tom visiting and sadly said that Danny never comes up here. I told her that Danny, and his lovely family, would be here next summer. She said “Oh! That WOULD be nice!!”.
Raven came to give Mom her massage. Raven shared some family photos with Mom. Interesting coincidences: Raven was born 10/1/49 in Queens, New York. I was born 10/3/49 in Queens, New York – different hospitals but the same county. We already knew we’ve lived in similar areas – both have gone to UNM in Albuquerque, NM and lived near Ventura, California. She moved to Medford a few months ago because of friendly people and an extensive herb shop in town. I met her two days after being here because of a series of ‘coincidences’. We believe we were destined to cross paths.
Anyway, Mom loved her massage and asked Raven to come back next Monday so she can meet Tom. I’ve been telling Mom that Raven was bargain since Californians pay at least $120 for a massage at home. I also occasionally mention that massage and exercise will keep her walking instead of in a wheelchair or bedridden. She seems to appreciate the information.
I was in a housekeeping mood so vacuumed, swept and washed floors, and cleaned the bathrooms. It was easier then having the maid come in and finding time to leave the house for four hours.
Dad went for a haircut and a swim. The barber was getting into his car to go to the pet store. Dad asked when he should return. The barber locked his car and opened up the barbershop again. Friendly service deserves, and received, a nice tip.
Mom & I went grocery shopping as usual. Then we made some rice/bean & veggie soup.
Mom found her new yellow curlers and tried to give them to me since she didn’t recognize them. We had thrown away her antique squished pink curlers. I told her they were a present from me to her. She thanked me and was very happy.
Dad instructed us to be careful when picking up the rye bread because the plastic wrap was loosely wrapped. After he left, I put a rubber band around it. When he noticed it, he praised my great idea! What positive feedback over such a small thing – a normal occurrence around here. I love it! I told my dear hubby that I hope we evolve into the same type of atmosphere and get ready for me to start asking for something positive when I hear a negative….just a different approach for trying to manipulate and control my environment!
Wednesday 11-23-04
After six weeks we figured out that Mom needed a chair with arms to help get up chair after exercising. We rearranged chairs and she doesn’t need help getting up anymore. Yippee! She also tried the one pound weights and prefers empty toilet papers rolls. I get to use the one pound weights for now.
Conversation – Thanksgiving has been THE topic on and off since I’ve been here. Today she thought Kathy might need help cooking the turkey. I said that Kathy would ask her children to help if she wanted some help. Mom was amazed that Sara was Kathy’s daughter. Then she asked me who Diane was. I said I was and I was her oldest daughter. She then questioned that Tom was her oldest son. I agreed. She asked me for order of all her children. I started slow and quickly rattled off the rest with a smile on my face. She smiled also and said “oh – just forget it!”
I had my last massage for this trip and went to the herb shop to stock up for the next few months.
Mom & I went to St. Vincent’s Thrift store and the grocery store (always a list!).
Meals were staggered today – everyone hungry at different times. I started packing the car and cleaning my room. Letting go…..
Canasta – Mom was counting the scores and added seven plus four equals thirteen. That’s the first time I’ve noticed her math being off. She counts the cards slowly but correctly. I think she subtracted the four from the seven to get the three since she looked at the total score, thought it was wrong and then decided she needed to carry the one. How important is it? Not at all.
Dad working in his book room again. He also cleaned off the dining room and kitchen table. I’ve never seen his reading areas so neat.
Thursday 11-24-04
Happy Thanksgiving
I’ve been awake since 6:30 AM realizing this is my last day here and being grateful that I’m at peace with it. I turned on the house heater. I updated the house ‘rules’ –six pages of suggestions for living here. I exercised on the health rider bike in my room. I drank my goat yogurt “*censored*tail”. I cleaned out the closet and stripped the bed. Now I’ll type until Mom gets up. Mornings are my extra energy times. It’s great having the portable extra little heater for mornings like this. I leave it at a medium setting now so I don’t overload the circuit breaker again! It’s raining outside and sounds wonderful. The sky is all gray but the clouds are high. Mom’s up…..
Chair aerobics. Uncle Gene and Aunt Edie called. It’s always great to hear their voices and remember the great family ties that we have. Started chair aerobics again.
Want to guess what we had for breakfast? Yep - oatmeal with peaches.
Jeremy called from Buenos Aires, Argentina. He only had five minutes before needing to try on his tux. Dad tried to convince him that a suit would be just fine. Jeremy said Ceci’s four sisters and Mother were spoiling him. Jeremy also called his Godmother Susan later while we were having dinner.
Tom called from Denver. His flight might be diverted to Eugene, Oregon but they won’t know until they’re in the air. I’ll be at the Medford airport anyway visiting with my sister-in-law and niece who live in Yuba City, are spending Thanksgiving with extended family in Medford, and are moving to Denver, Colorado in a few weeks. Thank God for wonderful timing that I get to see her one more time. Got the bed changed and room cleaned up. Told Mom it was ready for inspection. She laughed. Mom was looking for ‘her’ green yarn. I made the mistake of telling I had it since it was ‘my’ green yarn that I was using for crocheting my leprechauns. By the time I told her she could have it, she didn’t want it even though she only had one skein and “that wasn’t enough to make a scarf”. She wouldn’t believe me that it was. We both agreed that we’d just go shopping and buy some more. When she ‘sees’ something, it converts into ‘it’s mine’ in her brain. Dad & I have natural boar bristle brushes that we like. So Dad brought one for Mom and I picked up another at Margaret’s request. Mom put hers in the drawer with MOM written on it so nobody would take it in error. Two days later, Margaret’s brush disappeared off Danny’s table. I found it unwrapped in Mom’s drawer and her ‘MOM’ brush was still hanging from her walker’s arm. She never missed the one in the drawer.
Met my relatives in the parking lot. They were happy since they were concerned about getting lost inside the Medford airport. We had a lovely visit in the TINY airport. There was one airplane parked outside. We watched it leave and then Tom’s plane arrived.
Thanksgiving dinner was delicious of course. Kathy and Susan each cooked so there was a small crowd at each home. I hear that Mom & Dad were in grand form and bantered very happily back and forth. We all gathered for a wide variety of deserts at Margaret’s home. Who was here? Mom, Dad, Diane, Margaret, Greg, Joel, Lori, Henry, Tom, Susan, David, Sean, Brian, Evvone, Brian (friend), Kathy, Sara, Evan, Shelia, Joey (3 months old), and Shelby. It was a little difficult saying goodbye to my sisters. They’ll have their hands full in the future and will do a beautiful job taking care of the folks.
Tom chauffeured Mom & Dad home and followed my car. He was brave and drank a cup of vinegar and honey with me (2 tsp. apple cider vinegar, 1 tsp. honey, boiling water).
Tomorrow morning I’ll introduce him to my goat yogurt *censored*tail (with alfalfa grass, St John’s wart, and tripaphla)! We had a blast taking pictures of each other. Dad took a picture and then asked where to look through the camera. Then Dad ate some soft food while Tom, Mom & I played canasta. Mom won. Tom & Mom were tired and went to bed early. Dad is doing paperwork and I’m typing. I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight since Tom’s snoring is a bit loud! The mountains are supposed to be in the twenties tonight so I don’t want to leave too early and take the chance of finding ice. I’d like to get an early start but I guess that’s not going to happen. Oh well… I’ll enjoy the morning routine one more time. My old routine back home is going to feel strange but I’m ready to try it again.
Friday 11-25-04
There was ice on the mountain pass so I couldn’t leave early. Mom mentioned she might take a shower today so we skipped exercising and showered instead. Dad and Tom woke up and we all worked in the kitchen making, and eating breakfast. It was a festive occasion with so much laughter that Dad actually burned the oatmeal & milk he was warming up. Dave Cotner came over and crawled around in the attic checking the roof since there were hills on the roof when they cleaned the gutters last week. Dave told Dad that he needed a new roof and a few sections of the wood underneath. Recommended waiting until spring or, at least, a long dry spell. Dave will make arrangements for a free estimate from people that did his roof.
Joel came over to take his Uncle Tom swimming. Margaret and Shelby arrived to take Mom shopping (while Tom went swimming). I said goodbye and got on the road (around 10:30am). Thankfully, it wasn’t difficult to leave. I later learned that Tom returned from swimming with Joel and joined Dad for his three hour swim! A few hours into my drive, Mom called me from Margaret’s cell phone. She said she was Grandma and on the way home to show me all the presents they brought for Tom. I told her I was on my way back to California. She was extremely apologetic about leaving me to go shopping and not keeping me company. I assured her that she did a grand job of keeping me company and that I left BEFORE she went shopping. That was a difficult conversation – saying goodbye again.
I did meet my niece (from my husband’s side) for lunch at Grandma’s House in Yreka for two hours. She and her two children were on the way up to Medford from Folsom, CA. It’s been so nice having mini family reunions lately.
I arrived home about 7:30pm – tired but content. I walked around my home feeling like a visitor in a vaguely familiar place. I’ve been gone almost seven weeks – in touch with family and friends by phone only. Unpacking and tidying up in the next two days has made me feel like I’m back home….for now. Next trip? Go see my dear adult ‘kids’ and grandchildren.