Oregon 2000 January
Here’s the promised summary of my latest Oregon trip:
Sherry, Richard & I meandered up to Oregon via Bill’s relatives in Marysville (NE of Sacramento) in my beautiful new 2000 Ford Focus. Yummy stir-fry & accessories were enjoyed by all at Margaret’s home. Mom, Dad, Sue, Margaret, Richard & I went to church. Richard did well for a four-year-old. Dad was in trouble (just a little bit) for playing airplanes with Richard.
Richard went up to the altar for a blessing and wanted to know why he couldn’t eat bread & get a drink of blood. I’m grateful we were back in our seats before he asked the questions!
Sunday was a shopping day at the Medford Mall with Susan, Kathy, Sheila, Sherry & I. Margaret volunteered to childsit Shelby & Richard – thought that would be more fun then shopping. Shelby & Richard were kissing cousins and played well together most of the week (unless one was ready for a nap of course!).
I enjoyed sleeping at Susan’s half-remodeled home for two nights. Her archways (instead of doors) have a soothing visual appeal and allows light to filter throughout the house. I’m looking forward to trying out the new bathtub in the future and seeing the rest of the plans come to life. My Hilmar remodeling wasn’t quite as extensive but the challenges of making choices, having disruptions and appreciating the changes, are similar. Sherry and Richard enjoyed Margaret’s hospitality and sleeping in Lori’s room all week.
Monday morning was spent at the YMCA aerobic class with Mom - I like the change from my treadmill. Susan went on a ski trip for a few days. Mom & I prepared a turkey roast & goodies for dinner. Kathy & Margaret & Sherry joined us. After Kathy went home we played the card game pounce (individual solitaire game with aces in the center of the table for all to build). Dad was not familiar with the game and Margaret became his teacher with MANY, MANY laughs. She constantly watched Dad’s possible moves and pointed out his missed opportunities. When she changed seats to sit on the opposite end of the table, she still noticed Dad’s missed moves – along with a few of Mom’s – who was sitting in between. Natural teacher instinct – always watchful!
Tuesday was my special day with Dad – going to Toastmasters. Dad invited Mom along so we all went and thoroughly enjoyed the meeting about clowns and clowning. One of the members is a professional clown and he conveyed many messages without saying a word. Dad had a table topic – popped from a balloon by the clown – and spoke about – ‘ the Irish Bible….”. A woman gave a moving first ice breaker talk about her life changing events and praised God, her husband and mannatec (for relief from chronic pain). Dad, Mom & I spent a leisurely few hours at Home Town Buffet and then shopped at Harry & David’s.
After chauffeuring the folks home (I AM privileged to be allowed to chauffeur them! – using blankets to stay warm since no heat is allowed!), I asked Dad for a tour of HIS library room. He gave me the grand tour and explained his filing systems. The room is really is quite organized! We then went through the house pointing out items that have special meaning and the stories behind them. These stories continued sporadically for a few days. I now have a map of Dad’s library and a list of his precious treasures to share with all of you. I called them today to say hi and he added another item & story to the list! I also went through the box with the wills, insurance papers, funeral arrangements, tax info, etc. It is well organized and similar to the same papers I have set aside for my kids.
Mom, Richard and I went to the YMCA Wednesday morning. Richard was amazed by an INDOOR swimming pool. He was talking about the pool at Taos and remembering the fun he had with his second cousins. Mom & I did most of the aerobic class while Richard enjoyed day care. After swimming with him, we stopped at the Rogue River Dam and threw rocks in the water. Sherry & Shelia prepared Kathy’s favorite Olive Garden meal as a surprise birthday dinner. Everyone showed up to enjoy the delicious menu of minestrone soup, fettuccini Alfredo, chicken strips, bread sticks, & raspberry cheesecake.
After my chauffeuring in a cold car, Dad wanted me to watch an Amazing Grace video – but I couldn’t find it ANYWHERE. He found it after I left. We were ready to relax so played EarthDance video – beautiful music with very striking ocean, flowers, etc. pictures. Dad enhanced the music by turning on a music box. He liked the effects and carried ALL the music boxes throughout the house into the living room – and wound them ALL up. We had quite an orchestra going along with our laughter!
Sherry, Richard and I went looking for snow on Mount Ashland on Thursday. We found some! Justin’s old snow suit was a perfect fit & ‘keep clothes dry’ saver! Sherry & I sank up to our knees or thighs quite often. Richard enjoyed throwing snowballs and climbing the hill until he discovered he could eat the clean snow. He was lying on a disc (round snow thing). I was pulling his legs and he kept reaching out to eat more snow. Sherry made him a snow cone with Gatorade after we were back by the car.
On Friday, Susan and I listened to a seminar on homocysteine (an emerging marker of vascular disease). Then we enjoyed a free lunch while the ER staff and a potential new ER doctor interviewed each other. We gathered at Bacci’s Pizza Friday evening for Brian’s birthday celebration. It was good to see most of the college boys, nope –- college men again.
Saturday Mom went to work at St. Vincent de Paul’s, Dad gave Richard a tennis racket to play with, and Sherry gave me a ride to Rogue River. Margaret, Susan, Kathy and I sat around Kathy’s dining room table discussing what I learned during the week and ideas of how to share the estate. Dad is all for taking turns picking one item at a time from the oldest to the youngest and, if two people want the same thing, to say a prayer and flip a coin. Mom is all for using the lists in the bible (some people have nothing written, I’d like to change my choices). At Mom and Dad’s request, I am retyping their wills to name Margaret &/or Kathy executors of whichever will is used last. Susan is in charge of all medical decisions. Talking with Mom and Dad was amazingly comfortable. Talking between the siblings was not – but we all agree it’s a good idea to discuss the issues now before we’re emotionally exhausted with grieving.
So this is an attempt to gather everyone’s opinions, experiences and comments to see if we can find a flexible plan of action to prevent unnecessary future heartache. After much discussion which left us feeling tired but still connected with each other, we mostly agreed on:
General guidelines:
All gifts that you gave to Mom & Dad’s can go back to you if you want them. Otherwise they become part of Mom & Dad’s pile.
We’ll choose by each item, ex. backyard swing and lounge chair are two items – not a set.
When two people want the same thing, we should say a prayer and flip a coin (as Dad suggests)
Original ‘8G’ Glennon children will do the sorting/deciding, etc.
The suggested tiers or layers for dividing material assets are:
1. Julie’s items should be handled separately – with whoever (whomever?) received the least after Julie’s death picking first
2. The 8Gs should receive the top four (a negotiable number) items that you really want. They can be written and modified in Mom’s bible book at any time.
3. The 8Gs will then starting choosing one item at a time from the oldest to the youngest. After the first round, Margaret would be the first. After the second round, Tom would be the first, etc.
4. Dad’s library books, etc. can be sorted separately.
We discussed having a value tier (VCR, couch, TV, etc) and a sentimental (had special meaning to Mom, Dad &/or us) tier. We could attempt that for organizational purposes as long as we remain flexible in choosing from either pile. If we can agree to some sense of order similar to the suggestions above, we’ll hopefully be able to satisfy our emotional needs. It was suggested that we carry on the folk’s tradition of giving to those in need with whatever is left after the 8Gs are done choosing. The proceeds of selling the house will, of course, be divided evenly to the 8Gs as the wills states.
So, dear sisters and brothers, say a prayer, share your thoughts, and lets hope we don’t need to use this info for a long time. Do you have any friends with large families who shared their experience of dividing an estate successfully? How about pitfalls to avoid? The folks were quite perky and feisty during my visit!
Love,
Diane
P.s. I have a printer at home now and will mail Danny a copy.