Oregon 2005 Mayl - Mom to Margaret's

Sent: May 7, 2005 8:11 AM

Subject: Diane's Oregon May trip

Folks are still sleeping and I've actually have enough sleep last night. I only heard Mom three times -- much different then the previous two nights!
Let's start at the beginning of this trip...

Wednesday flight into Modesto was delayed so I missed the flight into Medford. I was lucky to get a seat (standby) on the next flight that was full. Good old cell phones -- the stewardess had said to shut them off. Calling Susan as prearranged wasn't working. After four tries, pointing in different directions, I tried Margaret's number. Success! One of the benefits of flying is getting chauffeured with a chance to visit -- this time with Jon. Jon, Margaret, Susan and visited for awhile. Joel is moving to a Medford apartment this weekend. Arrived in Grants Pass 10pm. Dad thought I was early so didn't have the lights on outside. No problem. Mom sleeping. Dad said he didn't want any company and I probably wanted to go to bed. I went to bed!
I hear Mom coughing so better hurry....
Highlights --
I'm glad I'm here. We're having mostly a good time. Mom's walking is worse. Her mind seems about the same. Dad seems a bit better -- only heard him moaning and groaning as he gets up and down once.
We've been busy -- today should be slower – I’m keeping notes on paper --

Thurs. highlights:
chair aerobics, shower, showed Mom a few things to do on 'their' neat, new computer (checked the weather, sent hallmark belated birthday cards to Aunt Edie (via Uncle Gene) and Richard (both have May 2 birthdays), changed sheets on folk's beds, walked around downtown while oil change & tire rotation being done on Toyota. Oregonians -- oil was one quart low. Car has slow oil, transmission and power steering fluid leaks --recommended to just check levels occasionally. Walked through two thrift stores and brought a USB cable at Photo Den to hook up new printer.

Kitchen was too crowded while making dinner. Dad hovering -- do you want to use a bigger knife, do you want tea, do you want me to put on Mash & turned on the TV. I was irritated and showed it. Dad had been saying he was going to the backyard to exercise so I told him louder then before to get going. Mom & I were enjoying conversation, not TV. We wanted him back in time to enjoy his company and eat dinner together. Some moments are harder to let go then others. Dinner was a delight. Installed the new printer for the computer --prints, scans and copies -- Dad proud of Jon's printer choice.
Friday highlights:
Dad up at 9AM BEFORE Mom --he started oatmeal for three people (BIG pot of water with drops of oatmeal!) because he wanted to go swimming today --which means he left here around 1pm! Took some of his watered down oatmeal so Mom & I could leave within the hour. I’ve been helping her get dressed while in the bathroom -- reduces walking and getting up/down times. Made it to her Friday Senior Resources get-together (she calls it her senior exercise group and wondered why I was able to go -- I’m 55 and a senior too but caregivers are part of the group). We made jigsaw puzzle wreaths and enjoyed the friendly group of people. Of course now we endlessly talk about what to do with the wreaths. So far she wants to send them to Danny or hang them around the house but has 'too' much on the walls already. We went grocery shopping and arrived home as Dad was getting ready to leave for swimming! Mom & I made coleslaw and some soup. I hurriedly cleaned Dad's bathroom and the kitchen floor in between answering Mom’s questions and chitchat. Mom was watching Law & Order and kept asking what the story was all about. When Dad came home, Mom was walking down the hall humming songs to herself. We both were surprised by her happy attitude. It turned 180 degrees due to some comment during supper so we both reached to turn on TV’s Mash! Sometimes the yucky moments pass as fast as they come. Sometimes they don't. After dishes, we played double solitaire. She said she didn't know how to play the game before we started, but automatically played correctly once we got started. Watched Perry Como video -- relaxing.
Mom was clapping during &/or at the end of many of the songs. Also watched American's funniest videos -- much easier to follow the 'story' compared to Law & Order! Dad & I had great conversation about the Wall Street Journal (I have a subscription & brought him some articles) and Sister Gertrude's Christmas letter.
Sat highlights:
Mom was at the refrigerator while I cut a cantaloupe in half on the BIG cutting board. She wanted to cut the half in small pieces so I went and cooked oatmeal. She made some funny noises. I turned and she was sitting on the walker and the walker was rolling towards me. Guess she was tired of standing and decided to sit. Of course she has not clue how to use the brakes. I told it "it looked like an interesting ride". She heard "the sun is in your eyes"? We had a good laugh and I was reminded of her willingness versus capability. We did tai chai & some chair aerobics. Meandered down to Riverside Park for the Mother's Day annual Pow Wow. Spent a few hours there -- walking around booths, eating fry bread, and especially enjoying the drums and watching the Indian dances. Pushing a wheel chair on the grass was a bit of a challenge.
Home for rest and nap and Mom 'sending' Mother day ecards to daughters -- received one from Tom first. She thinks she's becoming computer literate. Dad says he likes having a secretary do his computer work. Then JJ North for dinner on Saturday instead of the normal Sunday since Mother's day will have CROWDED restaurants and Mom & I are going to free breakfast for Mom's after Mass at the church. Conversation -- eating habits around the world and Taiwan/China/Hawaii/Macaw? trip Mom & Dad took years ago. They thanked us again for the tickets (all siblings chipped in to send folks to visit Tom in Taiwan).
Mom was exhausted -- took an hour nap at 7pm -- woke up -- where is your brother???? Told her he was home safe and sound. She went back to sleep. 8:30pm she's awake, hungry, and we watched hilarious Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis & Burt Lancaster video. Mom had tears running down her eyes. Marvelous when all three of us laugh so much.
I better get to sleep. First two nights were rather scarce sleeping -- last night I only heard Mom three times. I'm grateful this is a good visit for me so far.
Hugs to all,
Diane

Diane,
You are such a good writer. Thanks for the account of life with the folks.
Nice contrast: willingness vs. capability and alternatives when there are sudden mood changes - e.g. Mash on TV. Good to hear that the ecards arrived and led to more ecards...
Maybe she is becoming somewhat computer literate..
And will develop a new hobby!
Thank you for al that you do.
Hope the sleep was better last night.
Peace,
Tom

Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 6:40 AM

Hello all, where do I begin to say a big THANKS to all that has been done and for the task that lies ahead....... Cant even begin to imagine how difficult things will be in the next few months and how much has been done this past year......I support whatever decisions are being made up there and pray for a smoother transition than I know you will have.....May God continue to bless our wonderful family as he always has in the challenges that lie ahead for us. We are here for you Oregonians

THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THE WORK AND TIME EVERYONE HAS PUT IN WITH OUR WONDERFUL PARENTS...

Love, Carol

From Diane:
I don't know where I left off so let's start now and go backwards for a change.
Today is Wed. May 18 8pm. Mom went to bed at 6:40pm today and is up going to the bathroom now. She called "anybody home?" at least three times already and was upset when I arrived instead of 'her man'. She believes she's been calling him for a long time and he doesn't answer. She usually is satisfied that he's in the dining room and can't hear her; or doing dishes and can't hear. Then she goes into why does it take him SO long to eat mode. I can hear her since I'm in the bedroom and closer to her. Once she was convinced she was up looking for her black pants in the closest and couldn't find them. It is NOT worth correcting reality so I told her I would get her glasses next time she wanted to look. I gave her an Aleve after dinner. Her knees are not working well this evening. We went out twice today with Mom staying in the car (her choice) while I looked at a few houses. We (Bill and Sherry/Warren/Richard) are all considering moving up here.

Thursday May 12 9am
Mom just went back to bed. We had a bit too much excitement this morning. I heard Mom in the kitchen and watched her putting on water to make tea. I was curious if she would use the correct burner so watched from a distance. She did okay. She was walking to the table so I went to put my slippers on. I heard a dish crash to the floor and Mom calling in panic. I fell on my way to help her! Go slow Diane -- from now on! Dad & I got Mom up. She was reaching for a mug and didn't see the mug on the table (that's there EVERY morning waiting for her). It's been a VERY different day. Mom's knee is quite swollen, she has a bruise on her bottom and thigh, her teeth were bleeding (not bad) and she has a fat, black and blue lip. What great timing for Dr. Selinger's appointment tomorrow at 9:30AM. We have used the wheelchair and portapoty all day. We moved the end table between the two single chairs and came up with a system that works well. Mom stands up from the wheelchair, holding on to the walker. Someone pushes the wheelchair away and puts the portapoty in its place. The most difficult part is getting into bed since she has to rotate 45 degrees. First trip was 4pm. I 'napped' for 1 1/2 hrs with her (in Dad's position). Sometimes we chatted nicely, sometimes we sang "I'm a little teapot”, sometimes we said the rosary (attempting to relax her), sometimes I tried logic to "where is my man?" -- he's eating so he has the strength to help you, it's too early for him to go to bed, he's getting the mail, he can't hear you, he was just here, he's been with you almost all day, he needs to take care of himself so he can be healthy, etc. Then we got up for 1/2 hour and repeated the pattern again two more times. I got a short walk in one time. The last time up, we enjoyed by watching a Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis video. Now Mom & Dad are in bed and poor Dad is getting an ear full because we have the rail up on Mom's bed for her safety. Dad's patience level is amazing. He hollers occasionally with good cause but goes back to being patient faster then I expect. I think reading that Alzheimer book made a difference. The night ramblings are mostly being ignored (remember Margaret & Susan!!) -- because no response is ever good enough when Mom doesn't get her way. ....earlier -- Joel showed up for a visit and I'm so grateful he was able to stay awhile. I went to Market of Choice and spent $92. He also put the closet door back in a track that I knocked out this morning when I fell. Mom did fold clothes today and helped with making coleslaw. A real estate agent stopped by with papers for me to look at and we had a nice visit with Mom while Dad went to the bank and ran a few errands (picked up a bag of groceries I left behind in the basket and the store saved it for us!). Keep us in your prayers -- I wonder how much sleep we'll get tonight! Oh, Dad did say maybe he’d try swapping beds in the future. He's said it before but hasn't followed through yet. He also asked me to check with the eye doctor on whether he needed a referral from his doctor since we're seeing Dr. Selinger in the morning. He did NOT want me to make an appointment so I honored that. I've taken the opportunity to tell him he sounded like Bill before his surgery a few times in the last few days (will you look? I can't see in there...) He said he'll think about making an appointment (there's none available until June and it takes few months if surgery is needed). Enough about today.....Mom's telling Dad he should chase me home, she doesn’t need any help!.
'Tis 10:30 and Mom is quiet -- first time in almost an hour -- think I'll try to sleep -- good night!

Sent: May 13, 2005 2:35 PM
Subject: Mom's doctor appointment
Where did I leave off last night? I think I thought I was going to sleep. Wrong. Mom & Dad went at it on and off until 2AM when Dad changed beds with me. Mom & I stayed up until 4am. From 2am to 6:30am, we changed the bed twice, went to the portapoty four times, slept 45 minutes, 20 minutes and 20 minutes. Mom woke up at 6:30am cheerful, rested and ready to start a beautiful new day.
Dad & I zombied around for breakfast and getting out the door at 9AM for a 9:30 AM appointment. Taking Mom out the back bathroom door in a wheelchair worked well. Taking her over the tree roots was a bit jarring but doable. We were 10 minutes late for the appointment but I consider it a miracle that Mom got in and out of the car. Next door neighbor Jim just 'happened' to arrive as we were leaving. He has a wonderful way and rapport with Mom.
The receptionist added a note to Mom's file that I compiled from Susan, Margaret's input and my observations. Dad has a copy of it - basically: "HOSPICE??? And a list of reasons, then SAFETY issues - Mom puts water on for tea and forgets it, she fell yesterday/became wheelchair bound and is still there, etc. Please help." Dr. Selinger has an excellent bedside manner and took his time talking to Mom and all of us. Mom's blood pressure was 161/84. He said the accupril was also for her heart and start giving it again. Tylenol is the BEST thing for her knee pain. Dad and I have been giving it to her for the last 24 hours. I was giving her Aleve earlier in the week but stopped after the fall. He asked how often Mom fell. I said the last one was about two months ago (at Margaret's house). His assessment: We basically have two choices 1. Increase the coverage here at home but it's probably only a matter of time before she falls again and breaks a hip. He told her a broken hip would mean surgery and LOTS of pain afterwards and she would die sooner if her hip broke. 2. Go to a skilled nursing facility like Royal Gardens or Highland House where 'technically' there should be no broken hips (I'm not sure of the wording he couched the thought). A retirement home like Spring Pointe is no longer an option for Mom because of her mobility. This is the fourth time Dad has heard someone recommend the Highland House. Doc also said nights are the hardest for mental patients - Mom mentions how dark it is at night. We're going to tell Mom the doctor says her bed siderail is a MUST. She doesn't realize how many times she gets up at night.
Anyway - Jim came out when we drove up and helped Mom out of the car and pulled her wheelchair UP the front steps into the house! Then he put his hands on Mom's shoulders and said a beautiful prayer. Dad and I joined in. Some tears came - it was beautiful.
I was getting Mom some dry pants and Dad said he wanted me to call Susan and get Mom on the Highland House list now. I told him Susan had toured a few places and she had feedback for Dad. I also told him that Jon, from a fireman's perspective, recommended a different location.
We also chatted about Margaret's hope to get Mom over to her house. Dad knows I supported Margaret's plans (changed my mind after the rest home emails). Dad says Mom's deterioration just doesn't make that an option anymore.
I need to get this out - Mom is calling....
P.s. we did laugh at a comedy show during lunch....

Bottom-line -- Highland House for her safety. He does NOT want her to maybe break a hip and go through all that pain. I told him he's has gone above and beyond for a long time now..... Mom said she's have to adjust to him visiting instead of seeing him at night. Of course she forgets all of it -- told me the doctor said she has to watch what she eats.... and then doesn’t even remember seeing the doctor.

Here's notes I jotted while watching Mash with Mom --
Doctor conversation-- asked about safety -- I gave example from today -- she agreed to sit and wait for me while I moved the car from the driveway to the street. When I got back in the house she was standing up, wobbling back and forth ready to fall.
We don’t use the walker much except as a table. It also has a sign "SHOUT BEFORE YOU GET UP" taped to it.
After nice lunch Mom napped in wheelchair and said she wanted to go to bed. She started sliding to the side and had no reaction to picking up her arms & feet (dead weight). She's collapsed on us before and usually rejuvenates well. Same thing happened today. Got a neighbor (sheriff’s wife) to help manhandle her into bed.

Rearranged some furniture to make room for maneuvering. Dad in charge so he doesn't trip over new locations.

Dad agreed to swap beds tonight again. Yippee for his health. Hope I don't have to call him too often. Mom let me put a diaper on her tonight. Let's see how long that lasts…..about fifteen minutes!

Mom asked what the doctor said. I told her again -- safety first so you don't break your hip. If too hard here, maybe a retirement home. She asks if Dad is coming. No, he's not ready but he would visit you every day. Mom says she won't be shy there because she used to visit people in retirement homes and they have good food there.

gotta get some rest ---
send prayers to all of us!
Diane (alias boots)

Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 8:00 PM

Boots.... Wow.... What days and nights....sound so familiar...... good words of wisdom on things done that she doesn’t approve of..... 'Dr Selinger said you need too .... to siderails.... assisted living place....so I called
nursing home at 4:55 PM and they said a 4 bed ward bed is available.... lots of paperwork to be done..... I will not hike Monday and meet her in am and start the process.... Selinger needs to write orders..ect..... So perhaps sometime this week she will get to try her new residency...dad is concerned on how to tell her... truth is best...perhaps the morning we're going.... Perhaps she can choose her clothes... are you sure you don't want to stay a few more days and take her on Tues.... so going to Joel confirmation at 1030 if you and mom want to go... dad said no for him.... but perhaps.... He said to come over on sun Margaret will come over tomorrow night.... You might try to join us with mom tomorrow...call me...q....

Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2005 1:07 PM

Much better night -- up about every 1 1/2 hours until sleeping 3 1/2 hours at 3am --
Attitude absolutely wonderful -- mild, mellow, humorous, a bit frustrated by rail sometimes but accepting that it was doctor's order. We talked about probably going into retirement home soon -- often -- with me and with Dad -- sometimes all for it, sometimes just wants to look for the future == started picking out pictures, knick knacks to take -- very appreciative of assistance given -- extremely difficult just getting from wheelchair to walker (for support) to bed, to potty, don't see any improvement since fall.. Does try to occasionally walk -- might get two steps (except once made it to kitchen door) -- and then says 'I can't move my feet".....sometimes I push her foot (slipper) for her as she gets the weight on opposite foot.....
Morning has been fun --Dad stayed in bed (guest room) all night til around 11am -- glad i didn't have to call him last night although this morning it was good to have his help after Mom was sitting for 3 hours without getting up -- we did chair aerobics last evening and will do it soon again just to keep some movement going -- bathing is becoming an issue -- does waterless shampoo exists??? Mom of course enjoys being useful so I push her around to take clothes out of dryer, carry dried dishes over to counter -- she put away silverware while i put away dishes, peeled potatoes & carrots -- made Dad his promised birthday soup -- changed sheets on all beds -- mom can put pillows in cases, fold other clothes, etc...
Dad groaning a bit as he moves but rested, playful attitude about me making Mom work so hard -- loves it!
gotta go....

May 14, 2004 Saturday

Diane,
Many thanks for writing. It sounds like things are moving along
And mother is beginning to accept that she needs more care.
I get the impression that you are doing yeoman's work
or should I say. Florence Nightingale.
Thank you for all that you do..

Peace,
one day at a time.
Tom

From: Margaret Peterson
Sent: May 15, 2005 7:16 AM
Subject: Saturday
Diane asked me to be her secretary for last evening-- I was too tired when I got home so here goes--I went in around 4ish to give her a break--Helen also came by to hang with me--Diane took a short nap and left---she went cruising, visiting and out to diner with a friend-she had a great time---
I understood the need for a break---she even got a shower without interruption---
Helen and I sat and visited with mom in her nightgown--she didn't get dressed --too difficult--she was in an excellent mood--laughing --joking--changing her mind constantly--she has black and blue from one half of her lip—across and down to her chin---she has huge bruise on her leg, a medium one on her back--and smaller ones on her arm and butt-she looks like she took nasty fall----anyway looks are not important—what is important is that she can barely stand and walking is out of the question---she can do 1-2 minute--teeny tiny steps and then she is exhausted and frozen in her tracks---but she will sit in her chair and say--I am going to go to the kitchen and visit dad--I am going to go and cook---and I say okay--then the subject gets dropped---cause she can't get up--but I am not really sure she is making the connection--she told me she was going to church today--not matter what---well I know that her and Diane are watching Mass on TV this morning---
it was pleasant to see her in a good mood--she gets grouchy when you go to help her and no matter how light your touch is--it is too hard for her--she says you are hurting me--let go--but you can't let go or else she will fall--soooo you pretend to lighten--just re-align---we had dinner--in living room and then Helen and I got her in the bathroom with some fancy maneuvering and we gave her shower--it took one hour and 5 minutes to complete that job--but it wasn't as bad as we first anticipated--she did pretty good and really appreciated how good it felt--the potty chair is quite the circus act--up from one seat---hold her up--slide potty under and plop down---she does this right in the living room---we also did some chair aerobics and she actually participated with Helen and I allot more than the last few times I did them with her--
we read the newspaper---chatted--talked with aunt Edie on phone--(well her and dad did--I didn't)--dad looks tired and skinny---I id his dinner dishes--he insisted on cooking himself--then I got some laundry and trash done--which he really seemed to appreciate--- (simple tasks)--so that was the scope for last night--Diane extended her stay till Tuesday---she will be coming over here to do some computer work for work--and Susan is going to moms today--if Susan and dad go out to lunch--then I will go over and watch mom--(a thought--don't know if it will happen or not) tried to get dad and Diane to go out to dinner last night--dad too tired--wasn't feeling that well(Diane’s diagnosis)--he slept in spare room last night--and Diane slept with mom--
Susan going to nursing home Monday to initiate paperwork--Diane working at my house on computer-(and doing some real estate stuff) -Helen staying with mom--Margaret going to work--unless needed---love to all--Diane’s secretary Margaret

Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 7:05 PM

Subject: mom'

so here's the scoop..... got all papers signed,,, doc ,,,state of oregon.... nurse from facility, etc....... then oooppssss - by the way - if she doesn't want to stay...we cant make her.......you got to be kidding!!......nope......so of course she got there and checked it out and said...no way her man needs her and she was going home.....however we had discuss plan B, as wise business majors, no going back to Savage (home)..Dad is once again in need of much needed rest.... amazing that even with diane...focusing entire on mom...it just isn't enough of a break for dad.... so mom is at george ann, God bless her..... she and i will take boots back to airport in am..... you have been a total asset boots...hope all your plans come true......we are working on guardianship papers...with all the papers we have you think....however even dementia patients have rights not to be usurped by husband of 55 years..... they apparently take anywhere from 6-8 weeks to process through courts.... and 500 plus dollars..... what an adventure this is..... anyway greg and dave are working on ramp for wheelchair...... diane and i getting mom in house and helping to set up room ..put clothes away etc etc...margaret cooking for jon, shelby, mom and who knows ...... at least 5 people helping to make this happen.... she will be here a bit..no turning back..... so plan accordingly siblings..... will call ken and check out his version of guardianship.... mary perhaps you can call tim and ask him as i know it a different state but he worked in that field... boots has an attorney disc which we will attempt to look at.... so call me mary with info.... thanks..... q.. taking boots around 9ish..then we will be doing a bit of house looking prior to her flight...so wont be back till 1ish...... call her cell or mine.... mine is 541 326 5414....thanks.....q

Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 10:06 PM

Subject: Re: Diane - Oregon May 16
Trying to be chronological --
Saturday night stories --
In bed at 9pm,
potty 11pm,
'night talk' from 11:30pm to 1am -- in a quiet tone and mostly a one sided conversation -- 1. Dear God the waves are TOO big, we're out to far, the waves are too big, take me away from here, take me away from here, pause, sings 'take me away to the ballgame, take me away with the crowd, etc.'. 2. Your Mom is gone because you didn't let me out of here. Your going to stand on the bridge and watch the waves go in and out and know that they got your Mom because you didn't let me out of here (bed siderail?). 3. Dear God, you're my only friend, please take away this fence and the pain in my knee. If not, I understand.
1:30am potty BM,
3am potty BM,
6am potty
7:30am get up
Mom's morning reality check both Fri & Sat (combined!) -- " I woke up and wondered if I was home. I saw my clothes in the closet and figured it out. I'm glad my mind is back. I need to talk to you...we reviewed the fall, doctor's apt, possible broken hip vs. retirement home, etc." Friday I asked her who I was (a question I normally avoid but she seems to remember by name lately). She said I was Diane and then asked if I was her sister. In the same quiet, gentle, loving tone that we chat I simply said I was her daughter. She then named her children -- the six girls. I prompted 'and two boys' and she easily named them. At the kitchen table she did her reality check as Dad walked by and he did great. Mom asked if there was anything that she could do for her dementia & knees. Dad reassured her that she was already doing a great job exercising and taking her vitamins and just like Jesus offered up his suffering for us, she could offer up her suffering for others. She said I'm not suffering. Different time-- she jokingly/seriously asked if he would divorce her (she can't walk,etc). He said "of course not". Mom said I knew that. Dad said "I love you" and bent down and kissed her. He also cuts roses from front yard and brings them to her.
Sunday pm was very quiet -- no conversations -- just i need to get up -- mostly every hour -- just to sit and burp, mostly potty -- once fifteen minutes after she had just gone. I just did what she wanted. The rail is becoming more acceptable. My sleeping in Dad's bed has become very acceptable.

later -- dad going to bed in five minutes & the computer is in his 'new' room even though mom is at margaret's!
had a nice evening with dad -- he's now supplied with pineapple and coleslaw, etc....
will catch up after i get home....

From: Uncle Gene in Boston, MA

Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 6:26 PM

Hi Di/Margaret .......Thank you for the update. I spoke w. Agnes a short time ago & asked her if she knew who it was. She said it was one of her brothers but didn't know which one. Pretty scarey - when you think about where they are ............ I'm sure it's a better place BUT I'm in no hurry to see them again soon ... Keep in touch & PRAYERS are always flowing .... Love to all ... Uncle G..

(p.s. Uncle Gene is Mom’s brother – all other brothers died years ago)

From: "Diane Chirrick

Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2005 3:01 PM

Subject: Diane - back home

Just woke up from a nap and am munching on bing cherries from our tree, walnuts and carrots - nice combo. Bill had cataract surgery this morning and is still sleeping. They found a tear under the cataract so surgery was
longer then expected and painful to Bill (he choose not to talk so his head would hold still -- Doc kept saying just a few more minutes). He's glad the first eye was so easy. If this was the first one, he wouldn't have the
second done. I'm glad I extended my stay in Oregon and let go of being Mom's 24 hour caregiver to became part of the team -- so much healthier for me. As I had more time, I realized how exhausted I was -- took a two hour nap at Kathy's one day (thanks!). I enjoyed dinner with Raven (acupuncture friend) in Williams. She's in the mountains (gorgeous views) and had a snake on her steps. That helped me decide I didn't want that area for a future home! I also tried to get some Foster Farms work done but had trouble with the laptop's network card even after reinstalling drivers, etc. and using DSL instead of dial-up. It obviously became time to let go of the expectation of getting work done -- which gave me time for me. I didn't complain and went to visit Kathy & Shelby! I also drove around Wimer picking up real estate flyers once by myself and later with Margaret. Susan, Mom & I travelled back roads to the airport and picked up real estate papers around the Gold Hill area. Prices are too high wherever I look but location (near family) has become more important to me then anything else. Time will tell......
Back to Mom, etc. stories --
Margaret's had a great approach with Mom on her first visit after Mom's kitchen fall -- I hear you may be going on a vacation to a rest home until your knee feels better. Mom agreed then,and occasionally in the next few
days, as she was prepped by everyone (Margaret, Susan, Helen, Dad & I). Mom's walking did progress a bit -- is able to walk from the bedroom to the kitchen in the morning. The rest of the day & night was almost a miracle
that she could stand and turn sideways so we could put the portapotty under her.
She was very willing to go check out Highland House. Mom & I joined the exercise crowd while Susan talked to the staff. Mom enjoyed the interaction with the BIG ball and responded better then most in the room (yeah chair
aerobics!). We then toured the available bedroom (one in a room of four) --with curtain dividers -- all were napping after lunch -- two tv's were on. Mom likes the colors -- pink flower design on wall borders and curtains. She kept admiring the decorations (bedroom, dining room and lounge) -- very flowery and cheerful. We enjoyed a live band (too loud) in the dining room for about 30 minutes and then interviewed with Mom. She didn't know who the president is - but did remember how many children she has -- but not where we all live. The staff was great talking with her and Mom says she'd like to come some day but right now she was still married and needed to be home (or something like that) even though we continued to say that she was going to Margaret's to live today if she didn't stay here. She didn't want to stay and stayed calm. We knew that even if she said yes,
they'd be calling us when she changed her mind. Mom realized we were serious about going to Margaret's as she saw all the bags in her car. She thought we were being sneaky but she actually helped pack some the clothes
herself and had chosen which pictures and knick knacks to bring along. In Rogue River -- Why am I here? Because you can't get up the steps in your house anymore. No one in our family separates. Aunt Edie and Uncle Eddie are separated because she can't take care of him anymore. We walked the flat street up the block until it started getting chilly. Mom did better coming in then we expected -- until it was nighttime. Lucky for me, I found out that Dad expected me to stay with him and I did. I thought I'd leave when he went to sleep but he said (twice!) I should make sure to wave to him as I left in the morning. It was great to give him what he wanted. It
helped the process of getting my schedule back in order. My face has a few shingles on it -- a good indication that I've been doing too much even though I thought I wasn't.
In the morning, Sue went home for breakfast and Mom used her walker from the back bedroom to the living room saying 'this is the way out'. She also knew that she used to sleep in the room across the hall. She asked if this was Joel's house? Did Margaret move? I cooked eggs and rye toast as she cut up a cantalope. We got dressed and were exercising when Sue returned -- time to take Diane to the airport.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to be part of the process in the last eight months, for all the Oregonians have done and continue to do, that Mom now has a hospital bed and some hired help. I have no near future plans to do
any more. My thoughts and prayers are with all those who do!!! We are so blessed to have such a great support system -- near and far.
Love & prayers,
Diane

From: "sue cotner

To: "Diane Chirrick

Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2005 7:36 PM

Subject: Re: Diane - back home

you my dear have done plenty...... thanks..... so many have tried your butterfly puzzle in the last 2 days with no success.... dave, jon, stephanie.ect..... are you sure one of the pieces is wrong...... q...mom did much better last
night.... i slept on floor and just didn't answer her when she called the first two or three times....usually she went right back to sleep...... one time we tried to get up and couldn't...didn't want to wake george ann so i
put on depends , which she agreed and put her back in bed with blanket under mattress causes her to stay closer to wall instead of toddler bar....must say it worked pretty effective ....mom seemed more contented today..... saw
dad who was indeed more rested however he still had days worth of mail on the table....it was 1300 and he was just making breakfast....mary perhaps you could plan to do some cleaning out of draws and closets.... went and got mom games and realized that indeed they need some attention..... barring an miracle i can't say that mom will ever go back to grants pass....gotta go ....toodles q

From: "mary pepper"

To: "Diane Chirrick"

Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2005 7:49 PM

Subject: Re: Diane - back home

Thanks for all that you have done over and over and over again to support mom and dad in their golden years. You've sacrificed your time, your job etc......and put mom and dad on top of your priority list. I know they
appreciate every smile you've given them, every potty you've cleaned, every positive word that you've shared with them......a job well done, Diane.
Now, rest and recover.
love,
your younger wise sister,
mary