Oregon 2004 Oct Diane's visit
Staying with Mom & Dad 24/7:
10-13-04
From the living room to the bedroom Mom was shuffling along. I started singing “Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered” to her because she said something that reminded me of one of her old favorite songs. She laughed and said, “You never could carry a tune.” I acted insulted. She said it was the truth. I said some truths don’t need to be told and asked her to sing to me as I danced in front of her. She sang, “When the old wedding band was new….”.
It sounded like a lovely song that I never heard before. Dad joined and they both sang it to me. Uncle Willie used to sing his favorite song at amateur hours. He had an excellent voice and a singing partner.
I drove here from Hilmar today. Last night Margaret’s email said Mom knew I was her daughter but she couldn’t remember what I looked like and what I liked. Sue spent today with her and she asked often what I looked like and would she like me as much as Susan. So I greeted Mom with a smile, hug and kiss saying here is you’re oldest daughter Diane driving up from California. She’s good at faking it so I didn’t know if her warm response was real or not. She says she remembers that I’m always bright and cheerful. I said she might see a few other sides of me while I’m here for six weeks and she may want to chase me away. She’s asked many, many times how long I’m staying…..Sometimes she remembers six weeks, then six months, then are you going home today? I eventually learned to stop telling her that I’m going home the day after Thanksgiving because that always led to a few minute discussion of how to handle Thanksgiving dinner and I’m not comfortable thinking about leaving yet. (I have the biggest table here. Mom, I don’t if I want a big crowd the day before I go home. How about going to Rogue River maybe for desert. We’ll all talk about it and decide down the road, etc.) An interesting opportunity -- keep getting a chance to repeat behavior trying for different results! It works in this environment!
Mom & I did chair aerobics at 7:30pm to loosen my stiff muscles from the drive. Dad did mail at the dining room table. Banter back and forth was festive. Everyone to bed 10pm.
10-14-04
I got up three times with Mom last night. If she was up more often I sure didn’t hear her. I didn’t hear Dad at all. Moms mosies (is that a word?) along with her walker. I just stood in the background in case she needs help and straightened out the blanket for her.
Getting up time – I stretched my arms. Mom asked if I was ready for chair aerobics. You bet! (Ready or not, it was a grand idea) We shared a banana on the way to the living room.
Mom & I went to visit Susan at the Rogue River bookstore where she does volunteer work. Atmosphere was relaxing – soothing music, gentle aroma. We had the place to ourselves and repeated to Mom about possible Adult day care places. She’s willing to try one for a few hours.
Sue – Mom conversation: Mom is concerned that Dad is going to die first since he didn’t look good a few days ago. She wishes Dad would talk to her about how he FEELS and go to a doctor. Sue (very understanding, clear and gently) told Mom she understood. Men, in general, usually don’t like to talk about feelings. They usually like to talk about anything else. Subject flowed…Mom has prayed to die in her sleep. Sue said she’s seen hundreds of people die and that dying in your sleep is the best way to go.
Time for the bathroom – I forgot to suggest she put on a pull-up. Mom said we needed to carry her ‘collar’ (plastic toilet seat heightener) around in a big plastic bag! I laughed and said – no way. Low toilet seats are practically impossible for her to get up and down anymore – especially in a timely manner.
We finished our outing by sharing a Rueben sandwich, coleslaw & veggie soup at the pie restaurant in Grants Pass. Part of lunch conversation – Mom asked - What if Dad dies first? Then you’ll go live with Margaret. Why doesn’t anyone tell me? They do Mom. You just forget. You helped make the decisions. The other decision was if you die first, and Dad can’t take care of himself, he’d go live with Susan. Mom said those were good matches (Mom & Margaret, Susan & Dad). Back home at 3pm for naps. Dad was just leaving to go swimming. He had been doing laundry and making many phone calls. He enjoyed receiving a 20-minute phone call from Jeremy.
After our nap and rotating laundry loads, Mom got ‘set’ in her chair to be alone for awhile – water, telephone, TV remote, crocheting. I went to Market of Choice (formerly Price Chopper) with their grocery list. Spent $48 dollars and returned in 35 minutes. The sun was shining so Mom sat on the front ‘stoop’ to soak up the rays. Dad & I both helped her out of the chair. We commented how hot & sweaty we were and that a shower would feel wonderful. Inside the house Mom said she thought she would take a shower. As we got closer to the bathroom, she started changing her mind. She laughed and said ‘me and my big mouth’ when I said…’but, you said you wanted a shower. I was looking forward to seeing how her new, fancy shower setup works’….it was cute in person – typing it sounds strange... oh well.… It works well.
Mom & I ate plums for dinner since we were still so full. Dad ate Wendy’s baked potato, frost, soup, tilapia fish, soy pop and piece of chocolate. Mom went and crocheted and told me to stay and keep Dad company. I did until 8pm. Dad shared a newspaper article how Catholicism set the foundation for western music, medicine and more – very interesting. I asked how his health was. He said it went downhill but was slowly getting better. He was having prostrate problems and went back to taking something (on dining room table) which worked before. He’s also now taking ½ tsp. of MSM powder – the pill was too difficult to swallow. I said we’d never know about his health since he won’t go to a doctor. He said he wants to avoid the medical merry-go-round it as long as possible. He might go to a naturalist (?) next week. I’m glad I’m here.
10-15-04
Dad was up at midnight eating. I didn’t even hear him open my bedroom when he was done. I heard and helped Mom at 5am, 5:40am, 7:15 am. Heard Dad twice. Now I’m waiting form Dad to wake up. Mom’s walking has deteriorated tremendously since I was last here at Easter. She constantly uses a walker – a nice new one! Both feet slide across the floor. There’s no lifting her knees at all. She still manages the two front steps okay. Some day I’ll time how long it takes to get from the house into the car. There are definite patterns and positions to learn about where to put the walker, slippers, etc. Might make a list some day.
Mom’s awake. She’s amazed we’re doing chair aerobics so early but she’s willing. I see improvement – her feet are coming off the floor an inch or two with slight ankle movement today. She said Margaret is fun to be around. We had breakfast in the dining room so Dad can sleep.
Mom finished crocheting a gray scarf for Tom’s Christmas present. We wrapped it in Christmas paper and it sat on Danny’s table for days until we went to the post office. It’s amazing how often Mom talked about needing to get it mailed. She dearly loves things put away and finished – very little clutter.
Mom had new brown pants that needed to be hemmed. She tried them on. I pinned them. Luckily Shelia came to visit so she threaded the needle for Mom. We had a lovely visit with Shelia and Joey. Motherhood has Shelia glow and sparkle.
Dinner – eggplant, banana squash (both from my garden) and salmon (organic of course!).
I went to Curves (exercise) and a meeting.
Friday - 10-16-04
Chair aerobics – becoming routine. Breakfast. Shop at St. Vincent de Paul’s thrift shop where Mom used to do volunteer work. She doesn’t remember the ladies that come to say hi to her. Brought a pink vest that she admired and some brown & beige yarn. She wouldn’t pay for it – thought I should use it. Time will tell.
Mom peeled and cut carrots that I used in making potato soup and tomato soup. Dad is swimming.
Dinner/supper – can of tuna fish – I didn’t even think of adding mayo & relish! They had fun with that. Both enjoyed the potato soup as usual. It’s Dad’s favorite recipe every time I’ve been here for the last few years.
After dishes, I walked the school’s circular track and talked to Carol in Albuquerque. I’m grateful she’ll pass the info – I don’t know where the time goes but it does fly by. I am signing on the computer most evenings around 9pm and working a few hours. That will eventually slow down as more training is completed. I talked to Mom’s neighbor’s that were outside bulldozing their front yard. Mom was worried I was gone so long. It was getting dark out and Dad was leaving to come find me as I arrived home.
We crocheted together and watched the first half of the Sound of Music.
Sat 10-17-04
Chair aerobics. Remembered to put out a pull-up for Mom. On the way to Kathy’s house, we met Susan and Joel on Third Avenue. Followed Kathy down 3rd avenue and there was Lori walking. Felt like a family reunion just driving on 3rd avenue! Enjoyed a pumpkin patch at Central Point with the Allensworth's (Kathy, Shelby, Evan, Shelia & Joey). Not bad pushing Mom’s wheel chair over dirt. Purchased three weird gourds that are now decorating the living/dining room. They are the subject of conversation a few times a day – where is the third one? - I can’t find it. What are they called? what are they for? – purely decorations – not bad for 75 cents each.
Scenic back roads home.
Nap.
Dad went grocery shopping, went for a walk and did paperwork.
Dad – soup dinner.
Mom & I – popcorn shrimp and ½ ear of corn from the farm.
I walked the track again – talked to Brenda & Kris. Got home before it was dark so Mom didn’t worry.
Tom called from Chicago. Dad sounded like he had a grand conversation – lively and lots of laughter.
Mom & I crocheted and finished the Sound of Music. Dad joined in enjoying the classic movie and the music.
Sunday 10-18-04
Cleanliness is next to Godliness – let’s skip exercise and take a shower before we go to church. Mom was resistant a bit but we did it. She said three times how great the water felt. Breakfast (toast & apple) and a shower took two hours.
All went to 11am Mass. Had fun with umbrellas trying to stay dry. We were a bit late (normal I understand) and Mom chose to go all the way to the front row. Dad parked the car and joined us.
Tea – after church – Mom asked how long I’d be here. Glad to hear six weeks because she’s worried about Dad.
JJ North – buffet lunch -- with Mom & Dad. Arriving home, Mom becomes furious with Dad because he didn’t wait for her. He listened to the answering machine message without her and returned Susan’s phone call (wanted someone’s phone number) while Mom & I came inside. Dad went in backyard to exercise. Mom vented for a few minutes and then let it go/or stuffed it again.
Great timing – my friend Kris called. Her Mom is in the final stages of Alzheimer’s – 13 years so far. Stages – short term memory losses, anger, confusion, gradual extended family, closer family memory losses, anger eruptions, sundown syndrome – mornings are best, evenings are worst, words eventually turn to babbling and total memory loss.
6pm – Dad came in from the backyard bubbling and enthused about the best interview he’s ever heard. He was coming into the house at 5pm (done exercising) but started listening to a doctor’s interview and stayed outside for the whole thing. This doctor is a homeopathic doctor and practices in Ashland. Dad marveled at the articulate flow between questions and answers, lack of ums and ahs (toastmaster info) and her intelligence with feeling. I mentioned that it sounded like God’s timing since he was talking about finding a local doctor. Dad thought he still wanted someone in Grants Pass.
Monday 10-19-04
Mom was up twice last night – between 9pm and 11pm. Mom & Dad both woke up around 7am. All went back to bed until 8:30am
Mom asked me if I was ready to exercise!! We always comment about how long it is but keep on going until we fast forward through the weight section to the cool down song – 40 minutes – timed it today.
One advantage of exercising first is we eat breakfast with Dad sometimes. Today was one of those days – leisurely – fun. He told stories about his cop days (I’ll add them to the family history file).
Dad changed his mind and tired to make an appointment with Ashland doctor. Their office was closed. He did try again on Tuesday and has a two-hour appointment next Wednesday!!!
I went to exercise at Curves.
Mom & I – ½ sandwich. Then Mom cut and peeled apples that I needed to make flaxseed muffins (recipe on back of ground flaxseed). They are a BIG success.
Mom cut string beans. Had chicken, string beans and soups for dinner when Dad returned from food shopping.
We were in a festive mood more then the usual festive mood. Somehow Dad’s cop stories this morning started us singing and we continued at supper for another two hours then all moved to the living room, sang some more, put on the 3 soprano’s video (from library), tried writing the words to Summertime – Dad’s says the best rendition he’s ever heard. All went back into the kitchen at 7pm for crab cake snack, still singing, lots of LAUGHS, what harmony. For many songs, I just sat back and watched: Dad asking Mom what were those words, prompting each other’s memories, smiling together, eyes closed and just singing, faces lit up. It was a very unique and precious day.
Songs included (started writing them down after a few hours of singing):
After the Ball, Goodnight Sweetheart, Mammy, Tootsie, Dixie, My Wonderful One, Paradise (then she holds my hand and dims the lights and takes me to paradise), My Wild Irish Rose, Ease Side West Side, Yankee Doodle, all the Glennon songs, Tora ra lora, Summertime, Bicycle Built for two, Oh My Man (Streisand), People, Over the Rainbow, When Irish Eyes are Smiling, etc. Words from one song: “Who threw the overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder. Nobody answered so he shouter all the louder. It’s an Irish trick I know and I’ll lick the Mick that threw, the overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder”. Dad’s Uncle Larry Carey had a black derby and sang: Oh, I had a hat when I came in, and I’ll have a hat when I go out. The same Uncle wore a big diaper at New Year’s Eve party for many years and picked up ladies in the fireman carry (over the shoulder).
9pm – Going to bed, Dad said ‘what a great day, Mom has come alive again.’
Tues. 10-20-04
Everyone awake at 9:30 am. Mom & I chair aerobics – normal conversation – seems long today – always does but feels good – hear the wind last night? Yep – love this time of year – me too – fresh and healthy.
Dad swimming before breakfast – took a banana.
Mom & I to post office (I ran in while she waited in the car), the library (it was closed – but we got the books returned), and Fred Meyers.
Sue visiting while I went for my first acupuncture experience. They had a grand visit until Dad called Nicole to come clean the house. Mom was furious. It’s happened before. I told them to blame it on me since I mentioned it was time for her or me to clean. They had already done it!
Dinner – TV – JAG – women from Haiti gave testimony that Dad believes is the best ever acting on TV. Nice evening. Called Sherry. Made Dad’s bed, dishes, etc.
Wed 10-21-04
Set alarm. We ALL warmly greeted Nicole and went to breakfast at Elmers. Mom said that Nicole was so nice and did a great job. Mom & I shared a crab cake benedict – interesting. Bathroom run was successful – had a high toilet.
Met Susan at a retirement home – assisted & secure. Toured for almost 2 hours – four neighborhoods, very friendly staff, many activities for residents, not organic food choices, very open, clean, new, spacious, well planned. Folks more impressed then expected. Downside – secure section for Mom would not be for Dad – can’t come and go without an escort/family, etc. Did some paperwork so Mom could visit for $15/hour if she wants. We did not do an assessment.
Home for a nap. Then a two-hour herb class on colon health with Susan (advertised at acupuncture office). Very interesting – will try some recipes (goat yogurt!) Class was in the biggest herb shop I’ve ever seen. Teacher is from the Bronx – fascinating subject and information. Will go to her next class also.
Called Bill and a few of my friends.
Watched South Pacific movie and crocheted with Mom. Answered her questions about the retirement home often – we’re just gathering info to see what choices you might have in the future.
Dad completing papers for the Ashland doctor. I completed the section that asked – How would your family describe you? I have compiled a list of traits I’ve received from each of my folks and used it to write: “ My Dad is an active, vibrant person who constantly finds humor in ordinary life, encourages others, is a self-taught, well-versed on MANY subjects, very opinionated and spiritual. He’s been health conscience ‘forever’, always exercises and eats mostly organically. He’s proud of his family and we’re proud to know and love him.” Another question was -- What’s been the most upsetting times in your life? He answered – stuttering, wife’s dementia, declining health.
10-21-04 Danny’s birthday
Mom out of bed heading to the bathroom saying I need a shower today (I mentioned it last night – don’t know if it planted a seed or not). She wants to do it now – otherwise she doesn’t get back into the bathroom. The last two showers, the shower curtain has been in the tub. When I first arrived, Dad told me that she insists it be outside the tub.
Me getting dressed – where’s my pink vest?? I asked if Mom hid it since she keeps admiring it. We found it on the back of my chair. Dad looked at Mom smiling. He pointed to me and they both laughed about finding a retirement home for me.
Laundry
Breakfast
Chair aerobics – added a few songs with weights. At one point, Mom said she was done, took a two-minute break and joined in again.
She asked to go see some more retirement homes and kept saying how pretty it was yesterday.
Dad swimming – at salt-water pool all the time now.
Mom & I cleaned the refrigerator. She scraped soup out of a bowl I held to transfer it into a smaller bowl. She then did dishes, which I needed to redo later. It’s a challenge finding things to let her feel useful.
Margaret over visiting. Mom sure has fun with her. I went to the grocery store – Mom didn’t want to go. Margaret talked to her and they both surprised me while walking through the aisle. We had fun together shopping there and at Fred Myers.
10-22-04 Friday
Mom tries not to wake me up but I hear her shuffling past my open door. Exercise time --- yippee!!
Had fresh organic pineapple and oatmeal from breakfast. Dad thrilled to find his first organic pineapple. Was great through the chopper for him too. Drank my first goat yogurt ‘*censored*tail’. Poured the tea bark on the rose bush outside. Dad told Margaret it grew three inches!
Mom & I went to doctor’s office so he can sign my California paid family leave papers (up to 55% - after using vacation time & working part time). Mom thought the doctor’s office was on the tenth floor. The building is two stories tall.
We didn’t feel like shopping so drove very, very slowly around and through Riverside Park – admiring the fall colors. Mom really likes it there and remembers going with Margaret and Shelby.
Back home and joined Dad who was still eating breakfast.
Went to curves to exercise. As I arrived back home, Margaret was pulling away with Shelby and Mom. I went and washed & vacuumed my car and then visited with Dad. I asked him to summarize what he wanted so we were all on the same page. He said to keep Mom at home as long as possible until she becomes incontinent or bedridden. He’d like Sue & I to keep looking for future choices without him. He was in a hurry to get in the backyard to exercise before it was too late.
Mom came home marveling at how Margaret is so serene as Shelby constantly talks. Mom says she’s never seen Shelby so hyper.
Dinner – wild salmon – best ever repeated by Dad often. We wrote down exactly what we did in hopes of repeating it someday. Used the chopper to make a broccoli, carrot and cabbage slaw (organic mayo & vinegar) – another hit.
I watched channel 21, a Catholic station, with Dad while Mom crotched. She always wants me to keep Dad company but usually gets upset if she can’t hear. Tonight was unusual – she was tired from her outing with Shelby!
Mom walked through the kitchen quickly to go to the bathroom. She was bound and determined to use the walker without squeaking. That means to use the front wheels while holding up the two back legs.
Sat – 10-23-4
Woke up at 7:30am. Mom up at 8am.
Chair aerobics – Are you my oldest daughter? Yep.
After completing the exercises, the TV show was about traveling in Argentina. We watched the last 15 minutes and enjoyed it.
Mom wanted to go shopping before Dad woke up to save him the trip shopping. I laughed and asked about breakfast. Mom wasn’t hungry. I was. She liked the idea of eating out and keeping the house quiet (and cold) for Dad. She wants to help him by shopping but needs a driver now. Enjoyed a waffle and eggs at Black Forest.
At the grocery store, Mom wanted to push the cart so she did – while I pushed her in her wheel chair – very slowly. Then we left the cart, ran around the store and returned to the cart. Mom laughs when I talk to myself and counted the number of times I changed my mind about buying this, that or whatever. Mom’s old water aerobics teacher Cecilia came and had a great conversation with Mom.
We joined Dad for breakfast. Unpacked groceries (95% organic of course).
Danny’s phone was busy again. We sang Happy Birthday to Patrick the other night!
Mom napped. I worked. Dad tried to go for walk. Gave me some secretarial chores for Monday – follow through on double billing for commode, close New Mexico credit union account, and research AAA car insurance about taking Mom off but keeping both cars insured.
Mom cut up onions, zucchini, and green tomatoes for me to use in cooking.
I went to take a nap. Mom talked to Dad. The door is not a sound barrier from kitchen conversations! Mom – What are we going to do? My health isn’t good and you’re better again but not as good as before. Dad said yes - we need help now. Mom doesn’t think they can keep asking us kids to be here. Dad said this is the first time. Dad asked Mom if she had any ideas? Mom said how about going into a retirement home? Dad said that he isn’t ready. Maybe in the future. Mom said how about sending me to a retirement home and you going on with your life? Dad said I think you’re better staying home. They both agreed to think about it but for today it’s okay.
At dinner, Mom (slyly!) asked me what my retirement plans were. I told her that my darling daughter wanted me to come live with her but I wanted to remain independent as long as possible. We have an extra bedroom (apartment) that could be used by a caregiver so we could stay home longer. Mom asked how many times I’ve moved. I don’t remember but at least a dozen times. I shared my thoughts on change, whether moving or something else, that there’s a grieving process in saying goodbye to the old even when the new is embraced with enthusiasm. Mom repeated most of what was said earlier while I was napping. I shared one of my favorite readings: “In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle.“ Dad talked about one day at a time. Mom said she’s a planner. I laughed and said that’s another trait to add to my list of what I got from you!
I suggested she make a plan that in six months, if she’s still alive, she can make a decision. I said I could make the exact same plan. Mom said things would just get worse as time goes by. I agreed that they probably would. Dad, the eternal optimist, said miracles do happen and today is okay.
It’s interesting how we flow from such serious topics into talking about the food we’re eating or going shopping. There’ no emotional responses just calm, peaceful sharing thoughts and concerns – experience, strength and hope.
Mom crocheted. I typed on the laptop while in a living room recliner. Mom asked how my work was coming along. I said just fine. Dad is eating again in the living room and joining us when Judy Garland sings during the movie about her life. Dad said Judy was Mom AND his favorite singer. I now have details of them hearing her in person and will add it to the family history.
Good night!
10-24-04 Sunday
I thought I heard the washing machine stop making noise and asked Dad if he was doing laundry (so I could go hang it up). Dad said no. Mom (with a smirk on her face) said, “she’s REALLY on the ball”. Dad piped in “Yeah but the ball is bouncing!”
Mom & Dad also thoroughly enjoyed my ‘confession’ that I was letting down the hem of ‘my’ black pants last night when I realized I had Mom’s pants, not mine. So now we need to hem her pants up and take mine down.
Went to Mass at St. Anne’s – two blocks away. Dad walked. I drove Mom. There was a dynamic mission priest from Sacramento, CA who will be doing an hour mission daily for the next four days. Nice to see Mom & Dad’s friends stopped by to greet each other.
Ate lunch at Wild River Brewery – noisy & crowed but great waitress. Chatted about Ireland experiences – FAST Mass, if your late, you might miss it; great éclairs; and limited access to restaurants.
Watched the video – Judy Garland in Concert. Dad stopped doing paperwork and sat in living room sing with Judy. He clapped after she sang Suwannee. Mom crocheting a red and navy blue blanket for Sherry but it has many extra stitches since she can’t see the navy blue enough – too dark. So she finishing it off and will start a narrower red and white blanket.
Walked with Dad – his normal path is through the quiet cemetery. He starts out slow but picks up speed quickly. He used to walk the cemetery roads three times. Now he just does them once. To work on balance, Dad walks in circles, goes up and down curbs, and walks backward – all to work on balance. I asked if he wanted me to do anything different with Mom. He said nope – you’re doing good. He’s found simple answers work the best: I don’t know, yes dear, one day at a time. He said Mom wakes up in the middle of the night and ask where her sister or brothers are. Today, she woke up from a nap asking if our kids are home. I invited him to the sibling meeting. He declined. Mom needs stimulation he said. I told him about my friend Kris’s Mom who has had Alzheimer’s for 13 years. He asked questions and got answers.
10-25-04 Monday
7-7:30am woke up for the Mission at church.
Breakfast at Elmer’s sitting by fireplace.
Home by 11:30am. Dad reminded me of the secretarial chores he asked me to do today and also said that call are better to make in the morning! Since there’s only 30 more minutes to the morning, it’s not happening today!
Dad went swimming in the salt-water pool that he loves.
Mom & I made potato soup, carrot/spinach/flaxseed soup, cut and ground fresh organic pineapple, and chopped onion/garlic for Dad. Mom chopped, peeled, and cut what I needed. She loves to have chores and feel part of maintaining this home. I got the secretarial chores accomplished – in the afternoon!
We ate above food plus wild salmon and Cole slaw. We shared the éclair from Wild River. Dad also ate a soy pop and a few pieces of chocolate.
I went to curves – needed that exercise!
Talked to my sister Carol and friend Kris.
Jeremy Pepper (grandson) called. Had a grand conversation as usual!
10-26-04 Tuesday
Mission at church again. Joked about being retired and getting up early two days in a row!
I went to another acupuncture appointment. Interesting experience. One treatment at a time. I’ll decide later what I think of it.
Mom & I went grocery shopping. Margaret says she pulls the cart with one hand and pushes the wheel chair with the other. It didn’t feel comfortable to me yet. Mom volunteered to push the cart in front of her wheel chair. It works okay when you go very, very slowly. After awhile we left the cart in the middle of an aisle and just zipped back and forth. On one pass, the cart was gone!! We happened to ask the correct bag boy, who thought it was abandoned. He gladly refilled the basket and helped us finish our shopping. Great service at Market of Choice (formerly Price Chopper).
Mom napped sitting in the car as I brought the groceries inside. The sun was so great, Mom then sat outside, soaking up some rays, while I trimmed the edge her lawn – which she complained about the other day. Trimmers were SO dull; it was simpler just to pull the weeds over the edge.
Hot sun, a little sweat, and a comment about having clean hair for our Ashland trip, motivated Mom to be willing to take a shower. She said I’d make a great caregiver. She also got me wet!
Dad cooked tonight. There’s a fly in the house. We all looked for it. Saw it inside my tea mug. Put the cover on it and released the fly outside. What a unique catch!
Went to Susan’s for dinner. Enjoyed Sue & Dave’s company. Then the great sibling meeting at Kathy’s – email below:
“ The sibling get together was productive and predictable. Unanimous agreements include:
Keeping Mom at home for as long as possible. Dad will determine when enough is enough. Mom will then come to Margaret's where she will be cared for by family and friends. Alzheimer’s units/foster home may be way, way down the line only if needed (Margaret's call when Dad is gone). Mom & Dad have money in their accounts to last for several years without tapping the house.
Tom -- we all request that you extend your time in Oregon -- two weeks would be great. Two weeks at any time is better then five days.
Mary -- we all agree that you should not put your job in jeopardy
yet. Margaret, Susan & friends are more then happy to do December
thru mid February and reevaluate then. Diane may consider taking
another six weeks off in Feb/March after getting thru year-end and a
little more training at work. That's plenty enough plans for now.
Susan's going to bed. I'm going back to the folks.
Prayers are a wonderful support for us all.
Love to all!”
10-27-04
77am – Dad comes into my bedroom laughing and saying “Mom says to wake you up. If she HAS to be up, so do you.” I laughed. Said “Oh yeah?!” and went into her bed. She tells me to get up. I tell her no, no, no – make me! She tickles my toes and pulls the blankets off while I’m complaining, laughing and calling her a meanie.
Dad is always entertained by our bantering. It’s great to hear him laugh and actually cause quite a bit of it!
Time to get dressed – Mom, of course, resists wearing a pull-up. She says she can make it without one. I bet her she couldn’t. How much? $100. She willingly put ‘em on to prove me wrong. I told her if she was right, I hope this would be one of the conversations she forgets!
Trip to Ashland went quickly – lots of trees changing colors. Dropped Dad off at Dr. Deborah office. Mom & I went to Goodwill to find a lighter jacket for Dad. That was also bathroom stop number two. We enjoyed driving around downtown Ashland and Litiua Park while Dad was in his two-hour appointment. Mom did say that her diapers were a Godsend. Bathroom stop number three, change clothes, pickup Dad and go to lunch in Ashland. Dad was enthused about his doctor’s appointment. She never interviewed a New York City Policeman before. She was impressed by how well our family gets along and how well read Dad is. He gave a speal about his Right to Life info, etc. The only thing the doctor was surprised by was when Dad told her he was born dead, wrapped in yesterday’s newspapers and placed in the bathtub. His Grandma ignored the doctor’s warning, went into the bathroom and found him breathing. Dad told the doctor that his avoidance of elevators might be related (closed spaces). She said it was because he was well read (wrapped in newspapers)! He thought that was sharp!
She prescribed a tiny, tiny bottle with directions to take two capfuls of tablets in the next few days and come back in six weeks. If anything strange happens, he should call her. Great directions for someone who resists taking medicine!!
We were home by 3pm. Took naps. I went to the last class at the Herb Shop from 4-6pm. Great information from Ravin – the herbologist.
Went home before the mission and Dad & Mom had been swamped with phone calls. The best was a 45-minute call from Jaime saying that she was married. Her husband ships off to Korea on Tuesday. Bill, Mary, Susan also called. Margaret stopped by to visit. Dad was trying to scramble eggs for dinner and was tired and glad to be finally eating – when I got home.
I went to the 7pm third day of Mission, summarized the messages and shared them with the folks.
10-28-04
Breakfast with Mom:
Mom – Do I look sick to you?
Diane – No
Dad – Diane brought back your color.
Mom – Yeah – red, white & blue
Discussion: Red=rosy cheeks, white & blue must be clothes
Mom – Your computer looks like a pushover.
Diane – It may be small, but it’s smart.
Mom – You’re supposed to have the brains, not the machine. My machine IS smarter (WWII comptometer – ten keys across, ten up & down, pull lever). It brought the boys home. You’re computer can’t do that! It was a good time of my life. I really enjoyed it. I had my own desk with my own big books (ledgers?). I kept track of where ours, and the enemies, planes were located and what condition they were in.
Mom – time to get dressed.
Diane – I don’t want to.
Mom – I don’t want to look at you like that all day!
Diane – but Mom, we’re tired today after Ashland and are having a quiet day.
Mom had a choking spell drinking tea. She gasped for Tom. Dad came in when I called her. He had her lean forward. We rubbed her back and repeated ‘you’re getting better’. She did. (did it again this morning 10/31).
John & Susan came over. Great visitors.
Chair aerobics with Mom. THEN I got dressed.
Then Tai Chai with Mom.
Then lunch.
Then walk with Dad.
Two loads of laundry.
Dinner with Dad.
Lovely visit (1 ½ hours) from Sara and Evan.
Cook dinner for Mom.
Went to last hour of mission at church. Summarize info for folks.
Watch JAG – they’re favorite TV show.
Mom to bed at 10pm. Me at 11:30pm.
What a ‘quiet’ day we had!!!!
10/29/04
I heard Mom & Dad chatting. Dad put on the heat then everyone went back to bed – or so I thought. Dad & I woke up at 10:30am! Mom was in the living room crocheting. She doesn’t wake up company (on certain days anyway!!). Dad laughingly said he thought we were out to breakfast since it was so quiet – no chatting, laughing or exercising noises.
Getting dressed:
Diane – Here’s your pull-up since we’re going to visit Susan at the bookstore today.
Mom – I save them until I need them. I don’t need them for the bookstore.
Diane - Last week in the bookstore the toilet was too low. I needed to clean up the floor.
Mom – I’m sorry.
Diane – No need to apologize for what you can’t control. Just wear the pull-ups please.
Martyr Mom does.
I go get dressed. Susan calls to see if we’re coming over. I can hear Mom whispering to Dad that I’m BOSSY. Dad laughs. Mom laughs. When I get off the phone, I go ask them what I missed that was so funny.
Mom – You might get mad at me.
Diane – Oh, I’ll love you anyway.
Mom – Who was on the phone?
Diane – Oh! Change the subject! It was Susan. Now, it’s your turn to tell me.
Mom – I forget.
Dad – I forget too!
Diane – very convenient of you!
Bookstore visit always goes quickly. We went to Susan and stayed watching Shelby until time to take her to Grants Pass. Margaret took Shelby to a school festival.
Watched JAG for 2 ½ hours! Amazing, and relaxing, to watch that much TV. Mom’s struggling more then normal to stand.
10pm -bed
11pm - Mom – bad belching – get homeopathic gas pills
3:30 am – Mom to bathroom. Tuck her in (it’s 60 degrees in the house and she can’t cover herself with the blankets), kiss her cheek, say goodnight, she says thank you.
5 am – Mom’s left knee hurting ‘like it’s never hurt before’. Rub pain-be-gone essentials oils on leg.
5:15 am – Mom up for bathroom amazed at how fast that stuff works. “How did you know what to do? I never complained about my knees before”. I told her we knew she had trouble with her knees because she uses a walker.
I’m wide-awake so signed on the computer and worked for two hours.
Ten minutes after I go back to bed, Mom gets up to go to the bathroom again.
Then we all went back to sleep until 10AM.
Now – November 30, 2004
I have 11am acupressure appointment. I LIKE it much better then acupuncture. I’m enthused with working with Ravin. Lots of ideas to implement on what I do for myself.
Dad went for a walk.
Mom & I go grocery shopping.
Seems like we all needed our own spaces today – a bit tired and testy at Moments. I’m grateful it passes quickly around here.
Played double solitaire, iscabob and rummy with Mom at night. She sure does remember how to play cards. She was always comfortable with numbers.
10-31-04
A typical conversation—starts out touchy, ends up with lots of humor:
Dad walks through the kitchen as Mom & I are eating breakfast.
Mom (to Dad): I think you should buy yourself another pair of pants.
Dad (rolling eyes) – Why? These are fine.
Mom – but you ALWAYS wear them.
Dad – I have a few other pair in the closet.
Diane – Mom, you usually wear the same gray pair as soon as they’re cleaned.
Why are you trying to change your man?
Mom – What do you do with your man?
Diane – I let him make up his own mind because if I tell him what to do, he’ll do the opposite.
My mind is blank on what’s next but we finished ….
I wonder why anyone would keep trying to get someone to change when it hasn’t happened after 50 years?
Mom – thickheadness!!
We all were laughing…..
11am Church
1:30 PM Kathy & Shelby visit. Margaret runs in. Susan calls. Carol calls.
Late lunch (or early supper) at Sizzler. Two hour meal – talk about Philippine stories. Retired Navy chief at next table talks with & us. He worked at Pt. Mugu when we lived there. Small world.
Castor oil pack for me – interesting and relaxing.
Mom just asked me if I knew how to crochet. She taught me when I was a little girl and I also helped her yesterday. She’s crocheting a red and white lap blanket for Sherry (the navy blue was TOO dark). She gets confused on how to start a new row. Her crocheting is totally different then years ago. She’s missing stitches and adding stitches. Most importantly, she LOVES to crochet and stay busy making something for someone. Had the trick or treaters stand where Mom could see their costumes. Happy Halloween.
Sunday pm local Al-Anon mtg.
Dad having snack when I returned. Mom & Dad were having a staring contest and smiling at each other. Nice banter.